Just having a moan.

Sorry I’m just having a rant. Suffering with chronic pain sucks.

I’ve never hidden away from my disability since i joined Tube or Fetlife or from my own blog, I have always appreciated the kind messages left from fellow spankos.

Now I’m concerned the issue with my back has moved up my spine.

I’ve had degenerative discs in my lower back for the past 18 years. Surgeons will not do anything with it as there’s more chance it will become worse than better. So I’ve just had to deal with it.

But over the past 4 months or more, I’ve had very sharp, stabbing pain higher up my spine. Master says the muscles are very knotted and tight, but the pain, oh boy, it’s like the start of my back problems all over again. I’ve cried with the pain, very wobbly on my feet, cannot stand straight and I’m needing to hold on every time I am stood up. We think it covers 3 or 4 discs in the middle if my spine that feel different.

My emotions have been awful, you know the type of thing, telling Daddy and PiggyJ that they don’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me, they deserve a healthy couple, a load of rubbish I know, they knew about my disability and about Masters migraines from the beginning and happily signed up to be with us, through the good times and bad times, through the fun and the sad times. I got thoroughly told off by both of them for saying it, but I know they wouldn’t leave us. I know I didn’t mean it.

My mind goes into a jumble of pain, anger, then concern that Daddy and PiggyJ don’t deserve this in a relationship, that this isn’t what they wanted. I’m concerned that these issues are more serious, have I now got more degenerative discs ?

I can’t have MRI scans anymore due to the internal tens machine I have above my left buttock, so I’m not sure the drs could see any damage with a CT scan, it took many MRI scans before they found out what was wrong initially.

I’ve hardly been out since mid-December, cancelling dates with girlfriends. Daddy and Master have not let me go out shopping, Daddy has even done shopping for me on his day off and we’ve not been able to play for a few weeks. I have to beg to go out yet the answer is usually no.

Now it’s really getting me down, I can’t just spend my life lying down, I’ve a family to look after, pets that need me, my Dad needs me to help with Mum’s dementia and alzheimer’s yet I’m not able to do any of those things.

I’ve now made an appointment to see my GP, my mother-in-law is coming with me. We now have Bupa with Master’s job, but I’m not sure what this means for me, but I think it’s time I went for a check up.

I am truly hacked off with it now, it’s wearing me down, so exhausting, every movement is an effort. I don’t want to spend my life back on diazepam or something stronger like opiates. On top of this,  I’m trying to lose weight, yet with doing no exercise, it’s almost impossible as I can’t even walk the dogs at the moment.

I need to get out of this low dip in my life, I hate feeling so down. I think a nice spanking may help but Master or Daddy won’t give me one yet. So I’m stuck in this box of pain that won’t shrink away and I can honestly say I’m extremely pissed off with it.

Master and E are doing everything they can to help me, it’s easier now E is driving as he can go shopping to. But they must get tired of seeing ne fed up, having to help me get up, get dressed, even get showered. E must get upset seeing me struggle, I know they’ve lived with this for 18 years too, they’ve had to change their lives, and it is very tiring on Master. He has a long day at work, a very stressful job, when he comes home it’s often not to relax, it’s to sort me out first. But we live/cope with it better, Daddy and PiggyJ joining us helps us too. Now when Master has to go away, I’ve got them to call if I’m really struggling. But being one big family is keeping me positive most of the time. Life us just shit at times, like now.

Dementia / Alzheimer’s really sucks.

This is a blog mainly for myself, I needed to write down what I was feeling, regarding our life, Mum and how her dementia affects me.


Today I want to talk a bit about something that has become close to my life unfortunately, the devastating mental disease alzheimers / dementia.

We have known Mum was ill with this suspected disease for 6 years or longer. Over and over the memory tests came back as Mild Cognitive Impairment. This basically meant early alzheimer’s or dementia. In the 20 minute assessment the memory team could “ tell “ there was no change to Mum’s failing memory. They wanted no information from us, they only gauged it on the list of questions they asked in every visit. Mum started at 80/100, then stayed on 70/100 for a few years. Then a few weeks ago, it had suddenly dropped to 50/100. The team have finally agreed there is a problem, so she was going away to decide on a diagnosis and a care plan. She asked if they felt that medication would help, Dad said he thought it would be. But as we can’t get any medication inside her will adding to the number help. She has 7 tablets daily, 2 are too big so Dad breaks them in half so she has 9 a day, but at the most she may take only 2 or 3.

I know I should be happy that we may have a diagnosis but to be honest, I came to except Mum had dementia a long time ago. Dad on the other hand has only recently accepted it, finally seeing what we’ve seen all along.

The memory team were returning for another appointment, to explain what they want to do now. I wanted to be there, Dad agreed at first but now has changed his mind, Saying it may upset Mum if I’m there. Personally I’m not bothered if it upsets her, I need to know what they think, I need to tell them things and ask questions but Mum wouldn’t be happy about it. But also she would forget about it eventually too. But Dad said no.

Now I have the trouble of getting Dad to realise the help available will be of benefit to him. Such as a gardener, I know they won’t have a cleaner, but they could use a laundry facility that picks up and delivers their laundry, lastly a big thing to help would be ready meals, freshly made, companies will deliver them, put them in your freezer and it contains all the vitamins etc you need. A big help would be to have a carer to come in, just to give Mum her medication, maybe she will take them for them, though I’m not sure. Online we discovered many people suggested crunching the meds up and putting them in yoghurts or scrambled egg, I told Dad this, he thought it was a good idea.

What always happens though is Dad changes his mind, I think he feels like he’s betraying her by making all the decisions on his own, he always says, I will discuss it with Mum. But Mum can’t make those decisions as she still thinks she is doing everything, gardening, cooking, cleaning, laundry. Dad needs to understand he needs this help and be quick thinking to reply to Mum if she finds out Dad has someone doing these chores. I can understand why Dad feels awkward, Mum has always been the head of the family and now Dad needs to do it. I feel frustrated because I feel I can’t do anything until Dad starts to help himself. But he’s more concerned with making sure she doesn’t get upset, if she finds out about these things, and she will throw a major tantrum but she would get over it and then forget about it. Of course this may mean, she throws a tantrum regularly if she sees someone in the garden, picking up laundry. But at some point Dad needs to stand firm and just do it. Maybe I’m being harsh about it, I just see all of this on the outside and so does Master, my Dad’s sister and even E has suggested it when he has been around to see them.  I go through feeling guilty about feeling this way, I’ve tried putting my foot down, getting all the information for him, but its got to be him making the choices.


But why I needed to write the blog is how this disease can confuse me so much, like I know why she acts the way she does, but I still find myself questioning it.

Yesterday I went round to see them unexpectedly, Mum was in a lovely mood, like the old Mum, I always say, we sat in the garden and had a lovely catch up. Then we decided to go inside as it was quite hot out. She sat down and it was like a switch turned off, she started to doze off, Dad brought us a drink and I wanted to show them 2 videos that were of me getting in and out of Master’s new kit car. Now maybe she didn’t understand it, but there was no giggle or conversation about it. So it ended with me mainly talking to Dad. Though I always look at them both so Mum feels she is part of the conversation. But the switch had changed, if we tried to engage in a conversation, we got, I don’t know, I’m useless, I’m a waste of space, I’m just a midget, I shouldn’t be here, I’m just a little small shit.   Mum never swears.

This is the time I lose patience, I will not pander to her pity comments like Dad always does, because I don’t think it works. Dad has spent years doing this, instead of almost telling her off, telling her she can’t be these things, with all she has done in her life. She can’t have no confidence when she’s been a teacher, plus gone on stage playing the piano for different choirs, even travelling Europe for choir competitions. This is not the disease talking though, this is how Mum sees herself, and has done all her life. Dad has never built up her confidence, he says, there there to her instead.

Now I’m a bit similar to Mum, I don’t have a lot of confidence, but what’s the point complaining about being small, or curvy, I am what I am, plus Master has never allowed me to pity myself, he doesn’t pander to my insecurities, instead he builds me up, the change in me since I started to go out with him, plus have his parents build me up too, my confidence is so much greater. Yes I don’t like going to new places or mix with new people, even people I know, I feel nervous, but soon I would relax into it. And I would chat with anyone, Mum would never do that unless someone comes to speak to her, she’s never joined in by herself. She will sit with a stoney, almost bitchy evil look on her face, which in all honesty, no one would feel like going to speak to this person who looks like that. Plus she’s of the age where you should make eye contact when talking, something a lot of us don’t do, we may be looking at the TV, looking around, on your phone, this annoys her, that’s when we get the pity talk. Again this has been Mum all her life, So all these things come out fiercely when the switch changes.

The pity talk began, Dad sensed it too, so went to make another drink, bringing Mum a glass of milk. “What’s that for ?” She asked quite nastily.”It’s for your tummy, it helps soothe it.” But I’ve not mentioned anything about it ?” She said. “You have sweetie, plus you’ve been rubbing your tummy.” Dad replied patiently. “Well if you can tell my tummy is sore, even though it’s my tummy, I suppose so. I must be useless because I don’t think I am.” She was very angry. Then Dad asked,  “If I didn’t mind would I go home as he needed to have his afternoon nap.” I said “Yes of course, I was going to go now anyway.” “A nap ?” Mum said. “Since when do you have a nap. We never have a sleep during the day, what are you talking about.” She was furious. Dad tried to calmly, carefully explain that they did in fact have a sleep in the day. “Well we might have one if we are sick, but we never sleep in the day.” She started shaking violently, as Dad tried to say that he just needed a sleep today, trying to stop the conversation of having an afternoon nap. When the truth is Mum sleeps most of the day, and they both always have an afternoon nap every day. But it was too late, she was livid, like, how dare Dad suggest such a thing about them. Saying such a negative thing about them, we should be put down if we need an afternoon nap. I said I often have an afternoon nap, if I feel I need one, I will go to bed. This didn’t help.

So trying to change the subject, I said come out and see me to my car. We walked to the car, but I could clearly see Mum was really angry, I gave her a kiss and hug, saying see you soon, like I always do. I got a, yes maybe you will, back from Mum. I ignored the comment, I’m used to them, hugging Dad, I got into the car and saw Mum’s face still fiercely angry and her body shaking.

I drove home, waving to them until they were out of sight.

This is a usual typical visit to see Mum now, you have to be so careful with what you say so this switch doesn’t change, as once it’s gone, it could take hours before she’s back again. But I also know she would be asleep within 10 minutes of me leaving. Even though I know what causes this change in her, I still get confused by it. When I told Master and E they both said, you know what it is, why are you questioning it. I think it’s still me not accepting it fully, it’s horrible seeing this switch to her personality, one minute she’s Mum, next second she’s acting like this wild woman or she just sits there, like the shell of mum is there but no one is inside.


Anyway, I just had to write this mainy for me, it helps me deal with it better. Sorry to blog about a sad part of my life. Dementia / alzheimer’s really sucks.

Bit of fun, or maybe not !!!!!!!

UAfter a long day, going to town to buy L some suckie sweets, she was made up to get her favourite Yorkshire mix, ( a variety of fruit flavoured boiled sweets, ) then a selection of sugar free sweets, as she is diabetic, before taking L to her radiotherapy and her arm exercise class, my back was killing me. Since our great day at the kit car show last Sunday, my back has slowly gotten worse. A bit unusual for it to happen slowly, normally after a day out, it’s the next few days that are agony, then with rest, it would get better. I think I’d rather it be agony over a few days than slowly getting worse over time. By the time I got home, walking was a struggle, well, doing anything was a struggle. And I was shattered.


E came home from work, stayed for all of an hour, enough time to get changed, check his hair was perfect, top up the freeze spray so it stays perfect, top up the aftershave, again, then doing both again before going out, saying he would be out for the night, playing pool then going clubbing, so he would be home late.

Normally I would be excited to have an evening for us to play, and I’d been so desperate for Master to touch me, spank me, fuck me and use me, but I literally had all my energy zapped outta me and I doubted my back would cope with any position we tried. Master asked if I would like to play, but looking at me he said,  “ Or are you too tired ?”  I hated to admit I was past too tired, I felt like a walking zombie and as long as I didn’t move, my back didn’t pound.

I was so mad, so fucked off with my body, my head desperate for a play but again, my body let me down.

We had nothing planned for dinner and getting way past dinnertime so Master chose a tin of soup, as I was too tired and sore to think, so I opted for soup too, even though I really hate the stuff. Master sorted everything, bowls, plates, spoons, bread to dunk in, tipped the tins upside down in 2 bowls for the dogs to have and heated up our soup. A real nutritious meal, not. But for once, I did enjoy it, though I never find soup filling, one reason why I don’t like it. Putting the plates and bowls on the floor for the dogs to enjoy any remains, Master said, “ hope you enjoyed that so you’ve some energy to give me a nice foot massage.” I looked at him, my mouth ready to say no way, or not quite that polite, but I said nothing. If my back was terribly bad I would have said I can’t today, my back is just too sore and Master would understand, never pushing me if my pain level is too high. And I would never use this as an excuse not to do something. So once our dinner had settled he told me to massage his feet.

Now before I start this next part, I need to tell you, I HATE FEET. It’s my biggest thing I hate in a human body, occasionally I have massaged Master’s and E’s feet, but I’ve never liked or enjoyed it. I don’t like my feet touched either, but I’ve tolerated massaging Master’s feet since we began our D/s life. It amuses Master because he knows how much feet make me cringe. He laughs at my grimaces as I touch them. It’s not that I don’t want to relax Master after a hard day, I love doing things like massaging his back, head, shoulders, bottom, just not feet and even if I try to look happy doing it, my face never lies, showing how much I’m hating this task.

But when I do it, I know I do a good job and Master feels much better after it, I wouldn’t mind doing it as a daily evening task after dinner really because I can see how much Master is chilling and winding down after a hard day at work.

I knelt in front of him, sat on a cushion, I took his slippers off, and my usual thing is to test the feet for sweatiness, thankfully none was there today. Then he told me to massage on bare feet this time. I give a slight glare towards Master but slipped his socks off. Revealing bits of black fluff from his socks stuck to his skin, so I used a sock to try to wipe away the bits. “Maybe they should be washed first,” Master stated. Again, a mini glare, again, my mouth twisted to prevent a mouthful of abuse coming out. Oh he’s really enjoying this, I thought and you just had to look at his face to see how much fun he was having. But I thought okay, maybe it will be better to wash his feet first. So, struggling to get up, I hobbled to the kitchen, wondering what I could use as a bowl. I would not use a food bowl, yuck that thought is nasty, we used to have a cat litter tray I used to wash the dogs feet but we threw it out months ago  because it was never used. It would have been perfect for this task. So I opted for the only other thing, a bucket, small painters buckets I have upstairs and downstairs, as they are very small they are not too heavy when filled with water. I ripped off a new dish cloth, filled the bucket with hot water and soap and came back to kneel in front of Master.

I then decided to do something I’ve never done. A few weeks ago when E was staying over at his girlfriend’s house, I had a thought to be dressed up in my French maids outfit, ready to serve Mater for the entire evening. Unfortunately that was when the brakes went on his Lotus so he was planning on coming home and fixing them, ready for when we were going to the kit car show. I’d asked him during the day if he was planning on doing the car when he got home and he said yes, if it’s dry. So I decided it wasn’t worth me dressing up as he was going to be mega busy. And he was, only stopping for food before continuing until 9pm.

Anyway back to last night, I got up, telling Master I would be back in a minute, stripped off, freshened myself up, got the French maids outfit out, and struggled to pull it on. I’ve gained a few extra pounds since buying this dress, but it fitted okay once on. Brushing my hair, I put the hair band on and came back down. Master thought I was going to come down in some sexy lingerie, ( though I don’t have any ) unless he meant the sexy outfits we bought ages ago when we were thinking about going to a kink club. But he seemed happy with my choice of outfit, as I knelt down in front of him, the water was still warm as I washed his feet then massaged them. I’ve got to be honest, I loved washing his feet, it made me feel like his slave, that I was submitting to him, looking after his needs, not caring that my back ached at all, my only focus was him.



Eventually the massage ended, then Master said something that ruined this fun.“ Now I want you to lick my foot. “ I glared at him, “ No way, I’m not licking your foot. “ I simply stated, this was going way beyond how much I hate feet. I’ve watched videos of girls sucking toes, YUCK, makes me feel sick.

“ You will do it, and none of this tip of the tongue, a proper lick from top to bottom, “ Master smirked at me, he knew I was swearing internally at him. I bent down and put the tip of my tongue on his sole and quickly went upwards, then repeated on the other foot. My face must have looked a picture but he grinned at me watching. “ Now do it again, this time with your tongue properly licking my foot, that last one was just the tip.” He told me, enjoying watching me fume inside. So I repeated again, putting a tiny bit more of my tongue touching him. Honestly writing this down, I feel sick just thinking about it. “ Now I want you to do it as if you were lapping up water, your full tongue from bottom to top. “ My god, I wanted to swear my head of at him, I wanted to throw an almighty fit at him for making me do this. Bending down again, my tongue fat against his foot I licked his foot, my grimaces plain to see.

He took photos of all this, you can plainly see my face cringing, grimacing, glaring.



Finally that bit was over so I cleared everything away. Suddenly Maser called out, “You’d better get your dressing gown on, here’s E.” “What ?” I asked, then I saw through the curtains his red car pull up, another car behind him. Quickly I ran upstairs, putting my dressing gown but stayed in the bedroom. I heard him say to Master that he was just dropping his car off so he could go drinking and clubbing, sort his hair again then went out once more, this time saying he would be out late. I waited until I heard the car drive away then came back down, locking the door again. Master called me over to stand by him as his hand slid up my leg to fondle my ass. Sighing, I stayed put enjoying his touch even though it was becoming more of a big squeezy pinch. Slapping my ass a few times he then told me to go. But I refused, wiggling my ass by him, whining for his hand again. It came down very very hard on my thigh, I ouched but didn’t move. “ I said you can go. “ He told me. I shook my head, whined and muttered “ Uh uh. “ Another hard slap on my side, I moved a tiny step. Master just looked at me, I moved another tiny step, when he walloped me so hard I ouched loudly. Stepping away, rubbing my bum.  “ Go and bend over the settee and stay there, “ He told me. So I bent over the settee, arms and head resting on the seat, legs apart. After a few minutes I began to get bored so I started wiggling my bum to the music from the TV. “ Stop moving,“ He said, his voice showing signs of amusement. I’ve no idea how long I was there, wiggling, tapping my feet, doing a little dance, but to be honest it was rather comfy.

Suddenly Master got up off his chair and started spanking me hard, one side, then the other, it really stung, heat deepening which each slap. Then he went again, sat back down and watched TV. I took my glasses off and got comfy still bent over the settee, wiggling, legs dancing a little until Master got up again. His palm hitting my ass, the sting and fire totally unexpected, he never hits this hard with his palm. But I could almost feel the red handprint burning into my ass cheek. He grabbed something and started using this to spank me, I think it was his slipper, but then he used mine, which was much stingier, harder and I tried to wiggle away. But he grabbed a handful of my ass cheek, bent down and bit it, I was screeching into the settee, but when he moved to the other side, ready to repeat it I knew what to expect, wriggling more, trying to move around so he couldn’t bite me, it didn’t work, he bit down hard. Finishing with another flurry of rock hard swats. As we hadn’t played for a while the sting felt much sharper, the burn hotter than ever, but I enjoyed every slap and slipper, my ass felt amazing. Master stood up, went to the kitchen, as I tried to figure out what he was getting, then I felt something pressing onto my asshole, then something got pushed in, I thought at first it was deep heat cream, knowing how much Master enjoyed using it, but there was no smell, no burning heat, then something else was pushed in, and another. I’ve no idea what they were. Then he disappeared again. “ I know what will keep them in. “ Then I felt ice touch my hole, feeling it contract against the cold. As it got pushed in, I groaned, whimpered, I don’t like ice up my bum. Once in, I got a few hard slaps, right across my pussy and ass, until I closed my legs together, holding my ass tight so I didn’t let the melted water escape. I stayed there for quite a while until Master said I could get up. As soon as I moved the water escaped and trickled down my leg a little. Cleaning up I sat back on the settee, playtime was over and it was so much fun. Even though there were no orgasms, for either of us, there was a little spanking, humiliation and lots of pampering for Master. I loved it.


The next day I asked Master what he had pushed up my bum as I had no idea, he laughed and said 3 grapes, they were just the perfect size and shape. I was surprised, nothing had come out. He said they will have been absorbed into your system. He chuckled as he continued with his job, I had no idea what he used but I knew it felt smooth. Master does enjoy putting odd things in my holes, lol.

Sunday’s kit car show.

Today we are off to a kit car outing. A 3 hour trip to get there, where its a massive kit car show, jumble sale of car stuff, fairground rides and the usual food and drink stalls. Apparently its the largest kit car show in the world, 4000 show cars, never mind visitors. It’s going to be a scorcher of a day, so skirt and t’shirt that covers the tattoo, but thick coat for the journey as its quite breezy on the motorway. We stopped at the services to meet up with some of the group.

All I know for now is there’s about 60 cars going from our clubs, the leader has the gazebo, plus another, and we have our own hospitality tent, which will be nice. Apparently this place has the countries biggest agricultural show in the country, and this car show is one of the biggest too.

But I’ve done something stupid regarding my health. On Friday I was getting some bad nerve shocks on my right buttock and leg and seriously painful nerve shocks up my spine. I sucked the pain in, not showing it to Master or telling him. Yesterday when it was lovely, I tried to sit outside, but my back was aching so much I kept coming inside. I haven’t told Master I’m struggling, because he wouldn’t let me come today, but I am. I’ve brought extra meds with me.

We had a great journey down but it felt very long, my hip especially painful. But parking in our small patch the organisers gave the club, its very very tight. There’s over 60 cars from the Club, But a lot of our cars are parked on the road.  I think id love a Cobra for myself and. Beach Buggy. There’s some glitter Beach Buggies, purple, rusty orange, filled with glitter, look amazing. Master is looking at the MEV Exocet, they do look nice.

Luckily the club organised a hospitality tent, so  we’ve had a walk around then come back and sit it the tent which feels much cooler. It’s soooo hot here, my phone says it’s 20° but I think it’s hotter. It’s a nice day out but not overly exciting looking at hundreds of cars, being a girl I look at the colour first then shape second, Master will look at the size of the engine, price, and style. We’ve not agreed about a car yet.

Blogging A – Z Challenge – Y

Blogging A – Z Challenge – Y

Y = Your kink is not shameful. Your kink is amazing and shouldn’t be kept hidden.

I often wish I could explain our life to others, my 2 best friends know, I only told them because I needed to talk to people who have known me for years, though Master wasn’t really happy that I did that.

But you know when you are with family, there’s conversations like………..

“ You know I only wear skirts or dresses.” I say.

“ Why ?” My sister-in-law and mother-in-law asks.

“ Because G likes me in them ?” I reply.

“ What the fuck has it got to do with him, you’re your own person, do what you want to do,” They both say.

“ I like to look good for him, if he wants me to wear them, I will.” I reply.

“ Why, wear what you want to wear not what he wants.” They say.


It would be so easy to just explain our life now, but I don’t think they would understand even if I did tell them. They are both very strong women, no way would they ever become submissive, I would say in a vanilla life they are Dominants. But it makes conversations so hard.


Last week I had booked to go to the theatre with my mother-in-law and fat club gang, It was on a Friday, a day which we never do usually, Friday, Saturday and Sunday are family days. But after Master had been away so much over the previous 3 weeks, and going away this week for 3 days, I really didn’t want to go out, I wanted to spend the time with him. I sent my mother-in-law a message, explaining I didn’t want to go. Why ? she asked. Because I want to spend time with G. I told her. Oh for God’s sake, he’s only been away for 2 days. She replied. Well he’s been away a lot and away next week, I just enjoy spending time with him. I tried to explain. Don’t be ridiculous, you’re with him every day, you don’t need to be with him all the time. She said. Things are different with us, we like to spend time together, that’s why we have family time at the weekend, I say. Different how ? She asked. We just enjoy each others company, so when he’s off work, I like to spend my time with him, especially at a weekend. The theatre evenings every few weeks is okay, but G has been away loads, I’ve missed him. One day I may explain the differences to you. I told her. You’re just being soft, he’s probably glad for the peace. She said.

I asked Master what should I do, I really didn’t want to go. But Master told me to go, I had paid for the ticket, plus I should be the one driving us to the theatre. He said he was very tired so he would be just resting anyway.

So I agreed to go reluctantly, but I won’t be going to book a trip on a Friday again.


But again, it would be easier to explain why I didn’t want to go, if I could tell her about our lives now. I know she suspects something, and she will say to the theatre group things like, “She’s into that weird 50 shades of grey stuff, you know that disgusting kinky shit.” I just shake my head, would I even get her to understand it, without her just saying, it’s nothing but disgusting kinky stuff, it’s wrong, no woman should be submissive, no woman should allow someone to hit them, it’s degrading to women these days. She’s read the 50 shades books and enjoyed them but also said it was disgusting and very very wrong.


I suppose some people will just not change their opinion of kinky play, she feels just strongly against piercings and tattoos.  Her previous psychologist training makes her read behind the scenes of why you would want a tattoo or piercings. But that is a whole other story. Maybe one day I will sit her down and explain it but I doubt I will and pretty sure Master wouldn’t want her to know anyway.


I hate having to hide our life, vanilla couples can just talk about themselves without prejudice, but if we were to tell others, we would be frowned at, people would be shocked and I’m sure we would be talked about.


Your kink, whatever it is should not have to be kept hidden, we should be openly proud of our lives as a vanilla couple would be.



Blogging A – Z Challenge = T.

I’ve a very busy week ahead of me for a change. Today I’m going out with my best friend L and her mum R, I’ve mentioned L before, she has breast cancer and has had a terrible 5 months waiting for the gap to heal, after the cancer was removed. Now finally  it’s healed so she can get her boob tattooed in preparation for radiotherapy. She will just get a small dot on either side of the boob. I’ve got to go shopping first then go and see A, my piercer, as I took my nose ring out as it was a bit sore thinking I can just put another one in. Nope, not a chance.

Tomorrow I’m at fat club, boring, as I’ve put the weight back on I lost. Wednesday I have a birthday Lunch, Thursday is my mum’s and father-in-laws birthday, So I will be out visiting them and going for lunch with my folks. Master is away Wednesday until Friday this week, so a full week ahead. Hopefully I will get chance to do the challenge daily, even though I now realised why I was ahead of everybody, I’d been doing it on Sunday’s, which apparently you don’t do, as another blogger and Master told me, Master said if I had read the rules I would know. So apologies for those who run this challenge.

So lets get on with today’s;   T = Tits.

I’m just going to put some photos of my tits, hope you like them.



BIG SIGGGHHHH…….Master has just left for his 4 1/2 hour trip up to Glasgow yet again.

He’s had such a mad busy day, had no time to stop for breakfast before he had a dentist appt then home to the phone ringing continuously. Meeting after meeting after another meeting until 1 pm, when he finally had 20 minutes for a quick lunch break before…..yep. you guessed it…another meeting, 10 minutes free, then another meeting.

That ended at 3.30 pm, quick change of clothes whilst I packed his case, grabbed his laptop, diary, phones, wallet, keys and coat then he left. He’s shattered and won’t get to the hotel until 7.30 – 8 pm, he will sign in then go straight to the bar to meet one of his staff who drove up from the office at the same time, she has things to the do in office too.

Friday he will have to go to the office, as there’s meetings he has to do face to face, then next Wednesday he will repeat today, before heading to Glasgow again for one night

The following week, he’s away for 2 days.

I feel guilty complaining to him because what can he do….. nothing….it’s his job and it’s only going to get busier. I know he wouldn’t stay if he didn’t have to but it’s just too far away to go there, work a full day, then drive home all in the one day. The main problem is the company is a Scottish company, whose main offices are up there, so he can’t change that.  Looking for a new job isn’t quick and easy. And at the end of the day, he’s bloody good at his job  and is respected by everyone.  But I worry about the stress he’s under, if it’s affecting his health. I can’t add to that stress by being a demanding Serf even if I want to be. Of course he would rather have the energy to play, he doesn’t need me to make him feel guilty. I may try a little play myself tonight, if E has his TV on loud or he comes downstairs to watch TV, if not tonight maybe in the morning when he’s gone to work. 🙂

Looking back to our son’s birth. 18 years ago.

Yesterday was our son E’s 18th birthday, his girlfriend’s 18th was last Monday.

So they’ve had a week of celebrations.

I’ve had a week of going back in time, remembering the last few days of pregnancy as E’s due date was the 24th. And I was in labour 36 hours before an emergency c-section. Then after being home only a few hours we were back in for a blood transfusion. It wasn’t the best of births but compared to other women, mine was a doddle.

Wonder how many women would love to go back in time, and go through it again ?

I would jump at the chance. Master says no way, he had to go hours before he could get out and have a ciggie. Lol.

Thankfully he gave up smoking over 12 years ago, so if we did go back in time, he hasn’t got that to worry about.


Our nephew, A, is 3 years older than E, so he took them both to the bar to buy them a Sambuca shot. And then another.  So I had to go up and get some photos. Back at the table, my best friend, L, bought them both another shot and they stood up to drink it in one gulp. I love Sambuca, it’s my drink, but I can’t drink it as a shot. I’d sip it to enjoy the taste, the burn and intense aniseed flavour. Then as a long drink, adding diet coke makes it a very tasty drink.

I’s parents bought E a bottle of salted caramel vodka. And he gave us all a little sip. Omg it was yummy. But I must remember it’s not my vodka. Lol.


E and I are going on holiday on Tuesday until Friday, his first holiday without us. I know he will love it and they will have fun. They are going to a camping site, staying in a pod in the Lake District.

Master is also away for a few days next week too.  Leaving me with our furry babies, and I know I will be thinking about E being on holiday. Worrying about them both, I doubt this feeling will ever leave me


My biggest concern was him driving on the motorway, he’s never done it yet. So I’d said to Master, please take him out on the motorway.

No point me taking him, I hate driving on motorways. E is usually the one helping me out.

So today the boys went out for a drive along 3 motorways, both of them said it went okay, so I hope it goes okay. I know I will be messaging I all the time to check they were okay, but she’s a good girl, she always messages me back  as she knows how much it will worry me.


All I have to do is except our baby is now a handsome grown man, buying drinks in the pub legally, having a lovely girlfriend and going on their first holiday.  We are very proud of him, having a rough time during school years, he’s now working hard as an apprenticeship, having done 1 year, he will be starting the next one in a few weeks, but he’s also been applying for full time jobs.

I can’t believe how quickly time goes by, I don’t like it but obviously I have to accept it and enjoy every day with my family.