I read a blog yesterday which got me thinking about myself, and how I am as Master’s slave.
The blog described how the submissive never asked questions, never expected anything, never asked for anything and never whined or moaned at any times especially when no orgasms were allowed.
I sat and thought about those words a lot. And though we have a wonderful dynamic, maybe I am topping from the bottom.
But these occasions are usually during normal family life, yesterday for example, Master was choosing something to watch on TV, and chose one I didn’t enjoy. Until I said, Oh don’t put that on, let’s watch the other one. The minute I said it, I thought back to that blog, thinking I should not have said that, I don’t get to choose, I said, oh put the other one on, I know you like that. So he did.
I think at times what I find difficult is distinguishing our life and vanilla family life. I do have a tendency of playing up when our son is around, only to a limit though. Or even when we are with family I may be more cheeky than I am usually. And I know for me it’s a bit of fun and Master knows that, I’m never rude, but I love a chance to be a bit bratty. Maybe not even being bratty, I guess going back to the way I acted all the time before this lifestyle, being a little cheeky to others, cursing a lot more and to him, friendly play fights, when with family all the girls ganging up on any of the boys. I’ve noticed Master will now make comments to other people like, Yeah she will be going to bed early if she carries on. No one knows except him and me that he actually means it and I would do it. But then I know to stop.
But can I still have these giggles ? Up to point of not being directly rude or disrespectful to Master. Other family members would definitely notice if I didn’t join in. They made comments a few years ago about why I was wearing skirts or dresses all the time, or discussing a new hairstyle, someone said cut it shorter and I’d say, no G likes it long, they replied, it’s your hair not his, it’s up to you. Of course they didn’t know that’s not how it works for us.
Sometimes I think it would be easier if we didn’t have to disguise our life when we were with others. My 2 best friends know, and sometimes Master would give me a warning to stop in front of them. Once when I really was being bratty, he actually said, If you act this way again just because your mate is here, you will go over my knee in front of them, and I will spank your ass til it’s raw, and you know I will do that, don’t you. Yes I know he would do it.
As you can tell, this blog really did have me thinking. Am I topping from the bottom ? Or am I just being his partner on these occasions ? Master has never commented that I can’t choose during general life, he asks what should we watch, or what should we have for dinner, should I say, you choose Master. That’s fine if that’s what Master wants, I would do that. Or am I just overthinking things ? I think, I would like to add this as it brings the dynamics closer into our normal life. But it would be up to Master, I won’t ask him.
I also pondering over whining, I do this rarely, one time after feeling extremely neglected I asked if Master had gone off me. Not really thinking he was doing it purposefully. I really thought he didn’t want me anymore. But he sat me down and told me that as my Master, he would decide if and when he was going to touch me. After talking about it for a while, I understood. But going from being touched daily to nothing for a few weeks just had my mind in bits. I do have a tendency to overthink things, maybe that’s what I’m doing now, I don’t know.