My day with Miss Adira.

A day with Miss Adira.

I always look forward to spending the day with Daddy or Miss Adira, usually we have stuff planned but my back has been so bad and I’m still getting at the most 2 hours of sleep a night, I don’t have much energy to really enjoy being with them.

Last Saturday I went to the cinema with Daddy, watched the first 10 minutes, then fell asleep, only to wake up to see the ending.

A few days ago, Miss Adira said if your back is okay, we could go to the park, and have lunch in the cafe there. And the weather was really nice this morning, so I was hopeful we could go.

But my back was pooped. Yesterday I ended up at my Mums, a physiotherapist came to see her, and was asking what equipment Mum needed in the house. Dad wasn’t sure so phoned me, I ended up going round. After the physio had gone I stayed whilst Mum and Dad had lunch, I’d already had mine, then Dad asked if I could stay for longer, so he could go shopping. I said yes, so sat and watched TV with Mum.

(Quick recap if you don’t know, Mum has just spent 6 weeks in hospital, had a pacemaker fitted, then 2 weeks in a respite care home until the staff had a care plan sorted for her. When and what do we want the carers to do for her at home. Her dementia/alzheimers has progressed quite a bit understandably so, and has been very confused, as we counted up that she had been in 12 different beds around the hospital and care home. Me and Dad have been at the hospital every day for 5~6 hours a day, and its played hell on my body. Having come close to having a breakdown, I phoned my useless, selfish brother, telling him, me and Dad need him to actually do something and visit Mum, so me and Dad can have a rest. I was worried about my 84 yr old Dad doing too much, he was worried about me doing too much and my back not coping. Master, Daddy and Miss Adira have been worried sick about me, saying I’m doing too much. But I can’t expect Dad to cope on his own. I just can’t do that. But Master pointed out that it was affecting us/our family. I can’t move by the time I’m home, I’m falling asleep at 5pm, so having no time to do general housework, shopping, even my dogs have missed having me home and are acting up for attention. Anyway, now Mum’s home, the carers lovely, Dad looks less stressed, I think I can start to relax a bit. I’m still driving them to hospital trips etcs, we’ve found if Dad isn’t stressed coz he’s not driving, then Mum doesn’t have a tantrum. But as Master pointed out, I shouldn’t be driving their manual car because it affects my back. A 10 minute trip I could just about cope with but nothing more. So I’m going to look into these ambulance taxis for them)

So back to the real reason for my blog. Where was I up to……..

Ahh yes, going to the park today with Miss Adira. But no, it didn’t happen. Master said early this morning, if my back was ok then yes, but going how I struggled walking to the car from Dad’s to walking to our house once home, the chances were slim. Daddy asked how I was, I said sore enough to have a diazepam, he immediately said you’re not going to the park then. So I was gutted.

So Miss Adira came round in her more leisurely clothes, she knew she wasn’t going to be spanking me today, maintenance or the awaiting punishment still due. She likes to be dressed appropriately when spanking me.

We had a coffee, Miss Adira had to spend time with the dogs, then we drove to Subway to buy lunch, came back home, got naked and had lunch on the bed, the dogs were given a chew so they were happy on the bed too. Once a very nice lunch was scoffed, Miss Adira went under the throw covering the bed, I was still munching my crisps. Dave snuggled up next to Miss Adira, taking up my space, which made us giggle. I told him Miss Adira was my Mistress not his, she was Mummy J to Dave and Muffin.

I finished my lunch, ( I’m a slow eater ) tidied everything away, then tried to snuggle next to MIss Adira. I asked Dave to move, which he did by about 10 cm. Making us both giggle again. Eventually he moved down the bed, so I could snuggle into Miss Adira, my cuddily was with me and we continued to watch a 4 part series which she had read about, called When They See Us.

I was stroking her sexy boobs, playing with her nipples more than I did last week, just enjoying being together when I started to fall asleep. I heard myself snoring on and off, still stroking her, I thought I was just doing this all the time, I thought I’d been watching the TV, stroking her, just occasionally thinking I must have nodded off, snored and woke up again. I’d fed Miss Adira some chocolate buttons, having some myself, But no, apparently I was asleep, only waking when I snored so loudly it woke me up, then I continued stroking her. I missed 3 of the 4 part series.

I feel really guilty though, Miss Adira didn’t come round for me to just fall asleep on her, she said she didn’t mind and knew I needed to catch up on sleep and rest my back. So that was it, our exciting day together. I never played with her properly, never even snogged her today, I feel like I’ve let her down a bit, not giving her the attention she deserves. We never even did my mock tests for my homework. And the worst thing is I still feel really tired and though she said I could go to bed at my normal time now as I’d had a nap, I think I will be going to bed soon.

Not a good year so far.

Not been a good year so far.

I need to apologise for not writing any blogs recently, life has just been full of illness since Xmas. I had 2 months of terrible chronic back pain after the Xmas rush, finally able to venture out into the big wide world when 2 weeks later I developed a chest infection which took 7 weeks to actually go, though I was told I had got another chest infection, then another. I always felt it had never really left my body, hence it taking so long to go.

Plus Miss Adira was fighting to get rid of a terrible cold/chest cough/virus. Lasting as long as my chest infections. We ended up having to stay away as we felt we were just passing bugs to each other. It was obvious that both Miss Adira and I had very low resistance to any tiny bug or infection.

Also it was getting closer and closer to our first holiday together. We were going to our naturist park, Master and I have been to for the past 2 years. We both felt extremely comfortable there, and we knew Daddy and Miss Adira would love it too. So when we asked if they wanted to come, they jumped at it.

Now the holiday was finally here and we were all looking forward to it so much.

Then the worst happens. On Good Friday, my Dad phoned in a state, Mum had collapsed, fell unconscious for 10 minutes. Dad had phoned emergency services, I drove quickly round to their house then soon the ambulance turned up. Mum had another 2 ‘episodes’ with the ambulance drivers, who said we had to go to hospital, then she had 5 more in A & E.

11 days later, Mum has had the Norovirus, then Dad had it. How I never got it I don’t know as I had to help Mum with the sick bowls, getting her to the toilet, cleaning her up. All we know is she has a v v v fast heart beat or a v v v slow one. Because she has both, the Drs don’t know how to treat her. Plus when she had the virus, her sick was a deep red/brown colour. An alarming colour. To me and Dad it looked like there was blood in it, but what do we know, we are not trained doctors.

When Mum was sick again, with it looking the same reddish brown colour, we were lucky because the Dr was there so she saw it. Finally she said there was something wrong with her tummy, something we had been saying since she first got to A & E. But the Dr was claiming there was nothing wrong.

After a very strong disagreement with the Dr on the ward about the lack of communication or action towards getting Mum better, the day after the disagreement, the nurses and Dr were more keen to talk. I complained to PALS, this is like a voluntary service for relatives/patients who have issues with staff or hospital in general. They gave me a patient passport form, this was for the family of dementia/alzheimer’s patients to fill out, it covered the very basics on the patient, something we should have been given on her first day of hospital as they knew she has dementia.

The lady from PALS was very helpful and there was a definite change to the staff and Mums care following this disagreement.

But now, day 12, and still nothing has been done. I felt like they weren’t listening to us, they were asking Mum questions, she couldn’t answer or gave the wrong answer, even though she thought it was correct. Then when the Dr looked at me and Dad, it was as if she was saying why haven’t you taken her to the Drs for this tummy issue or this dizziness issue before, if she’s had it over 4 years. I repeatedly said we cannot get Mum to go and see her GP, it becomes WW3 in the house if we even suggest it. So Dad never pushes it, choosing to keep the peace at home instead. Mum is of the age where you only see the GP if you’re on your deathbed.

But like I say, no tests/nothing’s been done yet. Except a brain scan and blood tests, we don’t know the results. Mum started to get anxious, claiming the staff were out to kill everyone, she got moved to an individual room, so they could give the other room a deep clean as they had the Norovirus in there. Mum claimed she had a very serious disease/infection as they’ve moved her to this room by herself. Of course we know it isn’t, explaining to Mum she understood for those few seconds, until she complained again 2 minutes later.

I’ve been worrying about Dad, who is taking this all very well but at 84, he’s not a spring chicken anymore. He’s lost weight, so I’m now asking over and over, have you eaten, did you manage any sleep etc etc.

I’m very concerned about her coming home, her dizziness is a major concern to the physiotherapists and social services will be coming around to their house to see what help they can give her. I already think Dad needs to move their bedroom downstairs as the bathroom, kitchen and living room would all be on the same level. We could put a baby gate on the stairs to stop her going up, telling her we need it for our dogs, to stop them going upstairs. But I will be happier if the bedroom was downstairs now, Dad will take some persuading unless Social Services say it’s a must unless she has to go into a care home and that’s definitely not an option for her.

So it’s been very hard knowing our holiday was only round the corner and feeling guilty about whether I should go away, whether I should stay and let the others go. Both Mum an Dad said go, Master, Daddy and Miss Adira didn’t know what to say either. We would be 5 ½ hours away, so not just round the corner if I was needed, Daddy had said if I wasn’t going then he wouldn’t go either. Which made me feel even more guilty if I was to cancel. Plus we would lose quite a bit of money though that was the least of my concerns really.

Saturday before our holiday, I visited Mum, both her and Dad made me promise I would go on holiday and enjoy it but also told me not to visit on the Sunday, use that day to rest as I was nearly falling asleep talking to them. My sleep had been even less than normal because I was worrying about my folks. If I had an hour a day I was lucky.

Anyway Sunday came, bags all packed, Daddy and Miss Adira were staying over at our house that night so we could head of about 10am. How all the bags were going to get in the boot of Masters car I don’t know. It had already been decided that I was to do no tasks during the holiday so I didn’t need to pack my homework though I think I may have forgotten my spellings by the time I get tested again. I will have to ask Miss Adira when the test will be and how many days I will have to learn them again.

I discovered that Miss Adira had been told by Master that she had to do her tasks whilst away, something she wasn’t impressed about, then when we arrived he told her he was only kidding. Something he had done to me on our first naturist holiday.

After a poor sleep thanks to the dogs taking most of the room on the airbed and sleeping on our blankets, we set off. Going to put petrol in the car first. Fortunately or not, it was then that I discovered I hadn’t got my phone, the phone Master said was never out of my hand, but I hadn’t got it. So after filling the car I had to explain to Master that I hadn’t got my phone and we needed to go and get it. Fortunately or not, we were only 10 minutes away from home, so off we went to get it.

It felt like deja-vu, driving down the same roads back home, finding my mobile then driving back again. Master didn’t seem to see the funny side of it, though Daddy and Miss Adira both chuckled a bit.

5 ½ hours later we arrived, so I booked in, and we started to carry the bags into our 2 loft conversions. As we had our own private door to get up to the 2 lofts, we were able to just leave the doors open so we went from loft to loft. Daddy stripped off first, quickly followed by Master, me an Miss Adira last. Getting the food in the fridge, most importantly the booze in the fridge. The bonus of 2 lofts is the food fit in one fridge, the booze in the other.

We then went for a lovely long swim and soak in the hottub. The days were pretty much the same every day, swim, sunroom to read or write blogs, hottub, swim, lunch, swim, sunroom, hottub, oh and enjoying a walk through the quiet fields, dinner ending with final swim an hottub before spending the later evening watching TV before bed.

I’m told Miss Adira wants a walk with me so we…..’we’ can try out nettle play. Well basically she wants to spank my arse with a bunch of nettles. Hmmmmm I don’t seem to be getting much say in this, apparently she thinks I will like it.

On the last day of holiday I learnt that they were moving Mum to another hospital to fit a pacemaker in her. Dad had told them they must phone him up when they know when Mum was going because we knew she would be anxious on her own.

He was furious to learn the smbulance had left with out him. Dad went mad. Not only had Dad told them to phone, our son and his girlfriend had been absolutely amazing for 2 19 yr old kids. He looked after Dad whilst I was away, he phoned the hospital morning and night and visited every day. Trying to find out exactky what they were doing next. So when he learnt Mum was moving hospital, he gave the ward his mobile number, telling them to phone him no matter what the time and he would contact Dad. But they never did that  so Dad was stuck trying to find out what train would get him to the other hospital. Meanwhile E decided to ask his boss if he could leave and take Dad in his car to the hospital. Hus boss said yes, go but be careful. So he left, drove to Dads and took him to the hospital, found the correct ward then he left. Dad was staying with Mum until they were brought back to the other hospital.

So, so far, that’s all that’s happened with mum.she still needs her tummy sorted but again as there’s another bank holiday, we’ve seen no other doctors. Every day is a guessing game.

But during all this, on the Sunday night before we left holiday, E was sleeping at his girlfriend’s house. Her mum has been v v poorly for weeks, and in the middle of the night, she collapsed, turned blue, unable to breath. E and I said it was one of the scariest things they’ve ever witnessed. Once in hospital she ended up in intensive care, with pneumonia. She had been turned away from hospital so many times. But the infection was that bad that it covered all of each lung plus put a hole in her heart. So now she is having to have regular check ups to find out if her heart is okay or will she need an operation.

I have to stay im very proud of E and I, and how they’ve coped over the past 5 days. It couldn’t have been much worse.

Thankfully I’s Mum is out of hospital but she will be off sick for at least 6 months. She’s a nurse in the same hospital so she comes in contact with sick people all the time, and she can’t afford to get another infection

My mum is still in, think she will be there another week or so. It’s 20 days now. Dad has had the bed moved downstairs, he’s having the bathroom knocked into one room so it’s safer for Mum and taking the bath away, putting in a walk in shower instead. Social services will come and provide everything else.

I know my Doms/Domme are worried about me as I’m.exhausted all the time, coming back from hospital, fall asleep, eat my dinner, fall asleep again until Master tells me to go to bed. But I can’t not visit her every day. Hopefully see the drs too.

Now you can understand why I think this year has truly awful so far.

Just having a moan.

Sorry I’m just having a rant. Suffering with chronic pain sucks.

I’ve never hidden away from my disability since i joined Tube or Fetlife or from my own blog, I have always appreciated the kind messages left from fellow spankos.

Now I’m concerned the issue with my back has moved up my spine.

I’ve had degenerative discs in my lower back for the past 18 years. Surgeons will not do anything with it as there’s more chance it will become worse than better. So I’ve just had to deal with it.

But over the past 4 months or more, I’ve had very sharp, stabbing pain higher up my spine. Master says the muscles are very knotted and tight, but the pain, oh boy, it’s like the start of my back problems all over again. I’ve cried with the pain, very wobbly on my feet, cannot stand straight and I’m needing to hold on every time I am stood up. We think it covers 3 or 4 discs in the middle if my spine that feel different.

My emotions have been awful, you know the type of thing, telling Daddy and PiggyJ that they don’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me, they deserve a healthy couple, a load of rubbish I know, they knew about my disability and about Masters migraines from the beginning and happily signed up to be with us, through the good times and bad times, through the fun and the sad times. I got thoroughly told off by both of them for saying it, but I know they wouldn’t leave us. I know I didn’t mean it.

My mind goes into a jumble of pain, anger, then concern that Daddy and PiggyJ don’t deserve this in a relationship, that this isn’t what they wanted. I’m concerned that these issues are more serious, have I now got more degenerative discs ?

I can’t have MRI scans anymore due to the internal tens machine I have above my left buttock, so I’m not sure the drs could see any damage with a CT scan, it took many MRI scans before they found out what was wrong initially.

I’ve hardly been out since mid-December, cancelling dates with girlfriends. Daddy and Master have not let me go out shopping, Daddy has even done shopping for me on his day off and we’ve not been able to play for a few weeks. I have to beg to go out yet the answer is usually no.

Now it’s really getting me down, I can’t just spend my life lying down, I’ve a family to look after, pets that need me, my Dad needs me to help with Mum’s dementia and alzheimer’s yet I’m not able to do any of those things.

I’ve now made an appointment to see my GP, my mother-in-law is coming with me. We now have Bupa with Master’s job, but I’m not sure what this means for me, but I think it’s time I went for a check up.

I am truly hacked off with it now, it’s wearing me down, so exhausting, every movement is an effort. I don’t want to spend my life back on diazepam or something stronger like opiates. On top of this,  I’m trying to lose weight, yet with doing no exercise, it’s almost impossible as I can’t even walk the dogs at the moment.

I need to get out of this low dip in my life, I hate feeling so down. I think a nice spanking may help but Master or Daddy won’t give me one yet. So I’m stuck in this box of pain that won’t shrink away and I can honestly say I’m extremely pissed off with it.

Master and E are doing everything they can to help me, it’s easier now E is driving as he can go shopping to. But they must get tired of seeing ne fed up, having to help me get up, get dressed, even get showered. E must get upset seeing me struggle, I know they’ve lived with this for 18 years too, they’ve had to change their lives, and it is very tiring on Master. He has a long day at work, a very stressful job, when he comes home it’s often not to relax, it’s to sort me out first. But we live/cope with it better, Daddy and PiggyJ joining us helps us too. Now when Master has to go away, I’ve got them to call if I’m really struggling. But being one big family is keeping me positive most of the time. Life us just shit at times, like now.