My day with Miss Adira.

A day with Miss Adira.

I always look forward to spending the day with Daddy or Miss Adira, usually we have stuff planned but my back has been so bad and I’m still getting at the most 2 hours of sleep a night, I don’t have much energy to really enjoy being with them.

Last Saturday I went to the cinema with Daddy, watched the first 10 minutes, then fell asleep, only to wake up to see the ending.

A few days ago, Miss Adira said if your back is okay, we could go to the park, and have lunch in the cafe there. And the weather was really nice this morning, so I was hopeful we could go.

But my back was pooped. Yesterday I ended up at my Mums, a physiotherapist came to see her, and was asking what equipment Mum needed in the house. Dad wasn’t sure so phoned me, I ended up going round. After the physio had gone I stayed whilst Mum and Dad had lunch, I’d already had mine, then Dad asked if I could stay for longer, so he could go shopping. I said yes, so sat and watched TV with Mum.

(Quick recap if you don’t know, Mum has just spent 6 weeks in hospital, had a pacemaker fitted, then 2 weeks in a respite care home until the staff had a care plan sorted for her. When and what do we want the carers to do for her at home. Her dementia/alzheimers has progressed quite a bit understandably so, and has been very confused, as we counted up that she had been in 12 different beds around the hospital and care home. Me and Dad have been at the hospital every day for 5~6 hours a day, and its played hell on my body. Having come close to having a breakdown, I phoned my useless, selfish brother, telling him, me and Dad need him to actually do something and visit Mum, so me and Dad can have a rest. I was worried about my 84 yr old Dad doing too much, he was worried about me doing too much and my back not coping. Master, Daddy and Miss Adira have been worried sick about me, saying I’m doing too much. But I can’t expect Dad to cope on his own. I just can’t do that. But Master pointed out that it was affecting us/our family. I can’t move by the time I’m home, I’m falling asleep at 5pm, so having no time to do general housework, shopping, even my dogs have missed having me home and are acting up for attention. Anyway, now Mum’s home, the carers lovely, Dad looks less stressed, I think I can start to relax a bit. I’m still driving them to hospital trips etcs, we’ve found if Dad isn’t stressed coz he’s not driving, then Mum doesn’t have a tantrum. But as Master pointed out, I shouldn’t be driving their manual car because it affects my back. A 10 minute trip I could just about cope with but nothing more. So I’m going to look into these ambulance taxis for them)

So back to the real reason for my blog. Where was I up to……..

Ahh yes, going to the park today with Miss Adira. But no, it didn’t happen. Master said early this morning, if my back was ok then yes, but going how I struggled walking to the car from Dad’s to walking to our house once home, the chances were slim. Daddy asked how I was, I said sore enough to have a diazepam, he immediately said you’re not going to the park then. So I was gutted.

So Miss Adira came round in her more leisurely clothes, she knew she wasn’t going to be spanking me today, maintenance or the awaiting punishment still due. She likes to be dressed appropriately when spanking me.

We had a coffee, Miss Adira had to spend time with the dogs, then we drove to Subway to buy lunch, came back home, got naked and had lunch on the bed, the dogs were given a chew so they were happy on the bed too. Once a very nice lunch was scoffed, Miss Adira went under the throw covering the bed, I was still munching my crisps. Dave snuggled up next to Miss Adira, taking up my space, which made us giggle. I told him Miss Adira was my Mistress not his, she was Mummy J to Dave and Muffin.

I finished my lunch, ( I’m a slow eater ) tidied everything away, then tried to snuggle next to MIss Adira. I asked Dave to move, which he did by about 10 cm. Making us both giggle again. Eventually he moved down the bed, so I could snuggle into Miss Adira, my cuddily was with me and we continued to watch a 4 part series which she had read about, called When They See Us.

I was stroking her sexy boobs, playing with her nipples more than I did last week, just enjoying being together when I started to fall asleep. I heard myself snoring on and off, still stroking her, I thought I was just doing this all the time, I thought I’d been watching the TV, stroking her, just occasionally thinking I must have nodded off, snored and woke up again. I’d fed Miss Adira some chocolate buttons, having some myself, But no, apparently I was asleep, only waking when I snored so loudly it woke me up, then I continued stroking her. I missed 3 of the 4 part series.

I feel really guilty though, Miss Adira didn’t come round for me to just fall asleep on her, she said she didn’t mind and knew I needed to catch up on sleep and rest my back. So that was it, our exciting day together. I never played with her properly, never even snogged her today, I feel like I’ve let her down a bit, not giving her the attention she deserves. We never even did my mock tests for my homework. And the worst thing is I still feel really tired and though she said I could go to bed at my normal time now as I’d had a nap, I think I will be going to bed soon.

I’ve had my first play with a lady.

No longer a virgin, I’ve played with a lady, on my own.

So over the last 2 months I’ve not had the energy to think about blogging, my previous blog explains why so I’m not going to repeat that. But Master, Daddy and Miss Adira have all been keeping a close eye on me, as I do feel so stressed I feel I could breakdown. I do have a Drs appt coming up to help with that.

Last week Daddy came for the day, all I wanted was to get some lunch, come home, lie naked on the bed watching films and chilling. I didn’t even want to play. Then of course my hand wandered over his new ladder piercings going up his ball sack, then his willy became excited and before we knew it, I had given Daddy a handjob, without permission. A few minutes later we got a message, it contained a photo of me doing the deed. With a No Permission. You Are Banned For Month. Said Master.

So when Miss Adira was coming up for the day, on the following Tuesday, I have to say I was a bit disappointed knowing we couldn’t play together. I asked Master if I was allowed to stroke her boobs or thighs and he replied you may pleasure Miss Adira but you will not be pleasured yourself…….

I was also due a long awaited punishment, ( to be honest I can’t remember why I got it ) but I knew it was going to be a bad one. Well this would be my first punishment from her, I know she was looking forward to it, she said, I’m expecting tears, a very sore botty and I want to see blood. I will not stop until that happens. And I mean real tears too.

Luckily for me, or unlucky for me really, my back has been terrible, with being so busy over the past 2 months. My chronic pain has reached way WAY over the worst it normally is. So this meant my punishment had been cancelled over and over again. Our last meet up, I did have a maintenance spanking but my back suffered afterwards. Miss Adira had asked Master if she should give me the punishment and maintenance spanking. He said he usually asks me how my back is feeling. If it’s too bad I  would be honest and ask for it to be postponed. They all know i would not lie about something as important as my back.

So punishment was postponed, though Miss Adira did say if I wanted a gentle maintenance spanking she would be happy with that.

So Tuesday morning came, I slept in, so didnt get all my tasks done as I had to tidy up, get the bedroom ready, ( in fact  I shudda put some candles out, coz she loves them. I will next time,) I had to go to the supermarket to buy lunch for us then get home, get naked, ready.

There wasn’t much time from when I got home to Miss Adira arriving. She had on a slim fitted black skirt, black top and red boots. She looked very much the mistress. She carried with her a big duffle bag which puzzled me. I was on a ban from playing plus not allowed spanking so there should be no toys in her bag. She saw me look quizzically at it and said she would explain soon.

First she had to fuss the dogs who were impatiently barking at her for attention. I made us drinks, asking if she wanted these upstairs, but she said no, down here for now. Then she explained that if I had wanted my maintenance spanking she had brought with her 3 sexy Mistress outfits plus her high heels. (She feels very much the Mistress in those outfits). She was going to let me pick the outfit but I had to be very honest about how I felt after the spanking on Saturday, how did my back feel, so I had to be honest and say it didn’t help my back at all, so she immediately said right that’s settled, no spanking. But as I can’t play with you, I think it’s time you played with me. She chuckled when she saw me looking a bit shocked, Yes, I think that will happen instead. She told me.

I was a bit taken about, I knew Miss Adira didn’t want to order me to play, but this sorta shocked me. ’’Okay” I said, a bit worried about it, but left it at that.

Coffee drunk, Miss Adira said should we go upstairs, so I put all the lunch stuff in a bag, grabbed a few chews for Dave and Muffin, locked all the doors then I followed Miss Adira with the dogs racing to get ahead of me.

Getting naked on the bed, I’d already got the TV on, the remotes handy, the dogs were happy with their chews, so we snuggled together. Already planning on watching Beauty and The Beast as I hadn’t seen the new version,  Miss Adira had watched it 3 times so far. Now the usual problem at first is we chatted non-stop about the boys, the kids, general life. Then we started to watch it properly.

My Mistress has very big boobs, and my head rested on one side of one really nicely. They make very nice cushions, but I was very comfy and Miss Adira seemed comfy too. My hand gently stroked her arms and boobs, playing with her nipples and nipple piercing. I’m not really a boob/nipple person. With Master and Daddy, I tend not to touch them, but this time I decided to play with hers, I knew she could take more than I could with nipple play, but not lots, so I did what I do with mine. Twisting them slightly, circling around the areola, feeling her nipple harden. Along with big boobs, she has big nipples, maybe 3 times the size of mine, at some point I’ve decided I want to try having a suck of them. I’ve always loved sucking my finger as a child, though these days my finger won’t bend to how it was 45 years ago, but I suck it in different ways now. And having my doodie with Daddy, I’ve really grown to love that. So I think I may enjoy it. I shudda just tried there and then, the nipple without the piercing was so close to my mouth I cudda flicked at it with my tongue. But I am slow at doing new things and my mind was concentrating on stroking her body, something I know we both love. That and scratching hard across the skin, boobs, back, bottom, she did it twice on my bum but as soon as I ahhhed over its nice feeling, she stopped. I wasn’t allowed to be pleasured so it stopped.

Slowly my hand moved downwards, tickling her legs, inner thighs, over her happy spot mound. I felt her wetness as I went past it. Miss Adira seemed to be enjoying it as she moved more flat on her back and spread her legs.

Eventually my fingers stopped over her happy spot and I began exploring. I felt her thin clit hood piercing and slowly began to rub her button. Rolling my fingers over it, I began to hear Miss Adira groan, so I rubbed harder and faster, breaking off to stroke over her labia then back to rubbing her button.

Miss Adira’s moans and groans became louder, she began squirming, her hands fisting the bedding or grasping the bars from the headboard. My fingers worked faster, her wetness encouraging me to continue, rubbing harder until I felt her orgasm, her button now swollen, her juices all over my fingers, she moved my hand away but I slipped it back, rubbing once more when she jerked and pushed me away again, whispering naughty at me, which made me giggle.

So instead of moving I just stopped, leaving my fingers over her happy spot as she came back down. I looked up at her smiling, she smiled back, Now that wasn’t too bad was it ? She asked. No it wasn’t. I replied. I reached up to give her a kiss, feeling proud of myself.

As Miss Adira began to relax again, I began rubbing her button once more, she gasped and grabbed the bed rails, her groans becoming more exaggerated, frantic, I looked up at her and watched her face, her arms began flailing, (Master always said she’s a flailler when she comes, so is Daddy,) occasionally her eyes opened and looked at me, smiling, then as I continued her eyes closed again.

I worked faster now, rubbing harder directly over her piercing, she got her juices flowing again. Pretty quickly she began to cum, her arms flailed about as her body jerked fiercely. Faster and much more stronger than her first one, this made me smile even more.

I’ve actually pleasured my Mistress and I felt incredibly proud and very very horny. My happy spot was pounding, longing to be touched, my ass tingled, pleading for a spanking but of course I was on a ban, which really was a shame because this would have built up into a long long play session.

Eventually Miss Adira relaxed, coming down from her wild orgasm, she reached over and hugged me tightly, giving me another kiss. Was that okay ? I asked. More than okay, Miss Adira said, your first play with a lady was pretty awesome.

I grinned stupidly, snuggled closer into one boob as we watched a bit more of the film, then realising the time, we decided to have lunch.

The rest of the afternoon was snuggling in bed, I got my snuggly, Marshmallow and put her by my head, rubbing my chin or fingers over her soft fur. I know I dozed off a bit, because I woke myself up snoring. Lol. But I did watch most of Beauty and the Beast  but only a bit of Olympus Has Fallen, as I slept through a lot?

But we had a lovely day, it did me the world of good to just chill out.

Apologies for my abscence.

I need to apologise for my absence over the last few months. My health has been poor, Miss Adiras health has been poor too. Then my 84 yr old mum took a turn, collapsing in the garden, unconscious for 10 mins. My 84 yr old dad phoned 999 then called me. I drove down to theirs as quick as possible. She had a further 6 episodes at home, in the ambulance and in A&E.

Four weeks later she’s had a pacemaker fitted but her dementia has declined considerably.

Mum and Dads house needed to be made suitable for when Mum returned home so we’ve had to put her in a care home, hopefully for only a couple of weeks. But it’s taken its toll on me mentally and physically and my poor Dad. My brother is a useless selfish son of a bitch, thinking 1 visit a week for 20 minutes is enough whereas me and Dad have been with her every day, apart from when we had our 5 day holiday. Which honestly feels like 5 years ago not 3 weeks ago.

Yesterday was a terrible day with mum, emotional, draining, and very upsetting. I broke down in front of Dad, something I’ve kept away from him, he doesn’t need to see me so upset as well as worry about Mum. But I just couldn’t cope.

I know Master, Daddy, Miss Adira, Dad, my inlaws and friends are very worried about me, I’m doing so much my back can’t take it, so every day my chronic pain is only progressing and my walking becoming more difficult. Coping with an hours sleep each night if I’m lucky, yesterday felt like the final straw.

I feel so close to having an emotional/mental breakdown, I don’t know what to do.

Family say look after yourself first, but you know your Mum is in a care home and your Dad is trying to deal with it, how can I be selfish and put myself first.

When I’m not with Mum, all I’m doing is worrying about her, or Dad or both, thinking about me doesn’t seem important.

Until Master said last night, “You have your own family, we need you, we see you pushing yourself, we see you dragging yourself there every day. But if your back goes worse because you’re doing too much now, you could end up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, the rest of our lives. You need to think about that”.

Then Mis Adira told me she wanted a video call during the day. I knew why, she wanted to explain how worried she was, well how worried they all were. Yet more tears fell down, as they had most of the morning, but she made some valid points.

  1. Don’t stay so long.
  2. Plan to do a word search or crossword together then go. Or push her around the gardens in her wheelchair, have a coffee outside then go.
  3. Remember she’s in a good place now, with trained staff and you know she’s happy, coz you’ve spied on her numerous times and she’s been happily chatting.
  4. If she throws a tantrum just leave, let the staff deal with her, then it doesn’t upset you.
  5. Lastly, you want happy memories now, not memories of her being aggressive, nasty, upset. So not seeing her as often, gives you a break, focusing on your family, when you do see her you’re not as tired so you can cope better and plan a short visit, twice a week. Arrange to spend a day with your Dad to give him some normal time too.

This last point was the one that got to me, it was so accurate and true. I told Dad what Miss Adira said and he said he was so happy I’ve got friends who really take the time to talk sense to you and then you to me.

Our plan of action possibly, is putting Mum in this care home 1 maybe 2 nights a week to give Dad a break or just go for the day. It can be time he can do things for himself, we could go out for part of the day, go out for lunch, just get us both out doing something together.

On Tuesday I got a very blunt phone call from Social Services. They had put together a care plan so Mum had to be out of the home on Friday by 12.30. I explained that there was no way she could come home this week as the bathroom was still not finished. She was very strict about how we knew she had to leave there soon, but I will give you until Monday. My bosses will probably go mad but I will say she can stay until Monday, by 12.30pm, she must be out. If you choose to keep your mum there, then it must be funded by yourselves. If you do that then the care package will no longer be available either. So you would have to pay for the care package yourselves.

Now the care package lasts for 6 weeks, we can’t afford to miss it. After much discussion, we decided to just bring Mum home on the Monday, the carer starts that evening, then we have 6 weeks to find our own carer too.

But there was the problem of the home equipment for her, she hadn’t got a walking frame, wheelchair, toilet frame, raised toilet seat, Dad hadn’t got a bed for downstairs, they needed more bedding and a dryer.

So I spent one afternoon going through what we needed, Dad looked it through and agreed so that was ordered, he found a bed and we got that ordered too. Yesterday he found some new bedding he liked, so he bought some more. We think we are ready for her but now we had the job of telling Mum. So we went the following day and found mum doing a puzzle book in the lounge. For the first time in 2 months, she actually looked like Mum, and we had a lovely visit.

I told Mum the good news that she was coming home on Monday but there was a deal she had to make. To get her to use the walking frame and wheelchair, we said, You have to use the walking frame at home and the wheelchair. This is the Drs orders, if you don’t use them they will immediately bring you back to the home so you must use them. We don’t want you back here for that reason. She took all this in, Can I not walk ever again ? She asked, I said, Of course you can walk a little, but the chair is there to help you when you are tired. Plus it means when Dad needs to go out, you can go too. So you can get out of the house again. It will be much better for both of you. But you have to agree to use them, well we will not be giving you a choice.  The good news is you can come home on Monday.

I know life will be more crazy once she’s home, it will be very hard on Dad, but all we can do is the best we can. For now Dad and I need to try to rest whilst she is happy in the home.

Swearing last week.


Last night I was going to the theatre with my Mother-in-law and her group of friends. I go with them all the time, it feels like I’ve been adopted as their daughter, by all of them. But it’s really nice and they are all lovely ladies.

They know about my disability but they’ve never seen me at my worst with my chronic pain.

The theatre we go to put on brilliant, hilarious shows, though last nights wasn’t, but the seats are more like church pews, very hard wooden seats with a tiny cushion and a very hard back. I’m often sore when we go, but as Master had said once, “You enjoy the shows, the company, the food. So if you need a few days rest to recover then so be it. You have to still live your life.”

But after having the last 2 months on sick leave, unable to go out at all, due to a shockingly bad flare up, I hoped it was finally over. Last week was the first time I’d been shopping, or just gone out, so I thought going to the theatre would be fine.

But by the time I got to the theatre I felt my back begin to pound and throb. Luckily my Mother-in-law had some diazepam in her bag so I took one, hoping this would ease the pain. It worked for half an hour, then the sharp spasm pains began. It was really hard sitting in the one awkward position before we could finally get up and leave the theatre.

Walking was extremely painful and I knew I was getting slower. One of the ladies took my handbag and walked with me, finally reaching the car was such a relief for me.

BUT, I couldn’t get in the car, my Mother-in-law has a high up car, with no side step, as I tried to get one leg up, I couldn’t then bend to get in. The lady with my bag suggested I kneel up first, so I tried that. It took me a few goes before I swore, “ Fudging hell.” as I fell, face forwards onto the car seat. Finally I was kneeling on the door frame, I turned my body into the footwell, facing the seat. From there I was able to pull myself up, turn and collapse into the seat. I felt so humiliated and ashamed of myself just not being able to climb into the car, my back was pounding as I got my seat belt on, the lady put my bag on the floor then carefully closed the door.

As we drove home I starting thinking about Daddy and about me swearing. I was so mad with myself as I’d been really good at not using bad language, I hadn’t said the f bomb in weeks. I may have said it in my head, but even that was rare.

I knew I had to tell Daddy, but I was scared of his response, and honestly, I was scared of having a mouth soaping. But mostly I felt like I had let him down, I’d let myself down and I was very disappointed in myself.

I decided when I got home that I was going to do my ‘arrived home safe’ message as a video. I needed to own up there and then. So holding the phone up, I firstly told him about the play, then chatted about the meal and the ladies before I told him. Explaining how I couldn’t get in the car and about me swearing. Suddenly all my emotions flooded out, as I began to cry, telling him over and over that I’d let him down, I’d ruined 2 really good weeks with this, that I was so so sorry. I stuttered, heaving deep breaths. Daddy was going to be so cross I thought as I continued the message, before saying night night and hanging up.

I went to bed with a heavy heart,  guilt is a terrible thing to drag you down. As I got into bed, the dogs finally settled, I hugged Minxsie bear, before finally going to sleep and I slept really well for once.

When I got up and woke up properly, I looked at my messages, I was nervous when I saw Daddy had left me a message, so I clicked play. I heard his reply, he understood why the f bomb slipped out, and as my Daddy he had to decide why the situation happened and if it warranted a punishment. On this occasion, knowing how bad the last 2 months had been, he was not going to punish me for it. If I had sworn in a road rage or just during a chat, that would be a different matter. He was not going to alter my behaviour chart, or even put in a comment about it. But young lady this does not mean I’m being a soft Daddy, left me tell you now, this is not a free pass for you to swear whenever you feel like it, you will feel the wrath of Daddy if you start swearing again. But for now, you have not let me down, you’ve not let yourself down or anything else.

I breathed deeply whilst I listened to him, relieved yet still upset with myself but grateful Daddy wasn’t cross with me. I guess sometimes on the very rare occasion, Daddy could forgive me for swearing but only on a very rare occasion. I just need to forgive myself now too.

I was surprised how upset I was, making me realise how much I wanted to please not just Master but Daddy too and how much better it feels being a good girl than a bratty girl always in trouble. Though I know the bratty side will come out at times but if it’s only every now and then I don’t think that’s too bad.

Cursing.

Swearing.

Last night I was going to the theatre with my Mother-in-law and her group of friends. I go with them all the time, it feels like I’ve been adopted as their daughter, by all of them. But it’s really nice and they are all lovely ladies.

They know about my disability but they’ve never seen me at my worst with my chronic pain.

The theatre we go to put on brilliant, hilarious shows, though last nights wasn’t, but the seats are more like church pews, very hard wooden seats with a tiny cushion and a very hard back. I’m often sore when we go, but as Master had said once, “You enjoy the shows, the company, the food. So if you need a few days rest to recover then so be it. You have to still live your life.”

But after having the last 2 months on sick leave, unable to go out at all, due to a shockingly bad flare up, I hoped it was finally over. Last week was the first time I’d been shopping, or just gone out, so I thought going to the theatre would be fine.

But by the time I got to the theatre I felt my back begin to pound and throb. Luckily my Mother-in-law had some diazepam in her bag so I took one, hoping this would ease the pain. It worked for half an hour, then the sharp spasm pains began. It was really hard sitting in the one awkward position before we could finally get up and leave the theatre.

Walking was extremely painful and I knew I was getting slower. One of the ladies took my handbag and walked with me, finally reaching the car was such a relief for me.

BUT, I couldn’t get in the car, my Mother-in-law has a high up car, with no side step, as I tried to get one leg up, I couldn’t then bend to get in. The lady with my bag suggested I kneel up first, so I tried that. It took me a few goes before I swore, “ Fudging hell.” as I fell, face forwards onto the car seat. Finally I was kneeling on the door frame, I turned my body into the footwell, facing the seat. From there I was able to pull myself up, turn and collapse into the seat. I felt so humiliated and ashamed of myself just not being able to climb into the car, my back was pounding as I got my seat belt on, the lady put my bag on the floor then carefully closed the door.

As we drove home I starting thinking about Daddy and about me swearing. I was so mad with myself as I’d been really good at not using bad language, I hadn’t said the f bomb in weeks. I may have said it in my head, but even that was rare.

I knew I had to tell Daddy, but I was scared of his response, and honestly, I was scared of having a mouth soaping. But mostly I felt like I had let him down, I’d let myself down and I was very disappointed in myself.

I decided when I got home that I was going to do my ‘arrived home safe’ message as a video. I needed to own up there and then. So holding the phone up, I firstly told him about the play, then chatted about the meal and the ladies before I told him. Explaining how I couldn’t get in the car and about me swearing. Suddenly all my emotions flooded out, as I began to cry, telling him over and over that I’d let him down, I’d ruined 2 really good weeks with this, that was so so sorry. I stuttered, heaving deep breaths. Daddy was going to be so cross I thought as I continued the message, before saying night night and hanging up.

I went to bed with a heavy heart,  guilt is a terrible thing to drag you down. As I got into bed, the dogs finally settled, I hugged Minxsie bear, before finally going to sleep and I slept really well for once.

When I got up and woke up properly, I looked at my messages, I was nervous when I saw Daddy had left me a message, so I clicked play. I heard his reply, he understood why the f bomb slipped out, and as my Daddy he had to decide why the situation happened and if it warranted a punishment. On this occasion, knowing how bad the last 2 months had been, he was not going to punish me for it. If I had sworn in a road rage or just during a chat, that would be a different matter. He was not going to alter my behaviour chart, or even put in a comment about it. But young lady this does not mean I’m being a soft Daddy, left me tell you now, this is not a free pass for you to swear whenever you feel like it, you will feel the wrath of Daddy if you start swearing again. But for now, you have not let me down, you’ve not let yourself down or anything else.

I breathed deeply whilst I listened to him, relieved yet still upset with myself but grateful Daddy wasn’t cross with me. I guess sometimes on the very rare occasion, Daddy could forgive me for swearing but only on a very rare occasion. I just need to forgive myself now too.

I was surprised how upset I was, making me realise how much I wanted to please not just Daddy but Master too and how much better it feels being a good girl than a bratty girl always in trouble. Though I know the bratty side will come out at times but if it’s only every now and then I don’t think that’s too bad.

Just having a moan.

Sorry I’m just having a rant. Suffering with chronic pain sucks.

I’ve never hidden away from my disability since i joined Tube or Fetlife or from my own blog, I have always appreciated the kind messages left from fellow spankos.

Now I’m concerned the issue with my back has moved up my spine.

I’ve had degenerative discs in my lower back for the past 18 years. Surgeons will not do anything with it as there’s more chance it will become worse than better. So I’ve just had to deal with it.

But over the past 4 months or more, I’ve had very sharp, stabbing pain higher up my spine. Master says the muscles are very knotted and tight, but the pain, oh boy, it’s like the start of my back problems all over again. I’ve cried with the pain, very wobbly on my feet, cannot stand straight and I’m needing to hold on every time I am stood up. We think it covers 3 or 4 discs in the middle if my spine that feel different.

My emotions have been awful, you know the type of thing, telling Daddy and PiggyJ that they don’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me, they deserve a healthy couple, a load of rubbish I know, they knew about my disability and about Masters migraines from the beginning and happily signed up to be with us, through the good times and bad times, through the fun and the sad times. I got thoroughly told off by both of them for saying it, but I know they wouldn’t leave us. I know I didn’t mean it.

My mind goes into a jumble of pain, anger, then concern that Daddy and PiggyJ don’t deserve this in a relationship, that this isn’t what they wanted. I’m concerned that these issues are more serious, have I now got more degenerative discs ?

I can’t have MRI scans anymore due to the internal tens machine I have above my left buttock, so I’m not sure the drs could see any damage with a CT scan, it took many MRI scans before they found out what was wrong initially.

I’ve hardly been out since mid-December, cancelling dates with girlfriends. Daddy and Master have not let me go out shopping, Daddy has even done shopping for me on his day off and we’ve not been able to play for a few weeks. I have to beg to go out yet the answer is usually no.

Now it’s really getting me down, I can’t just spend my life lying down, I’ve a family to look after, pets that need me, my Dad needs me to help with Mum’s dementia and alzheimer’s yet I’m not able to do any of those things.

I’ve now made an appointment to see my GP, my mother-in-law is coming with me. We now have Bupa with Master’s job, but I’m not sure what this means for me, but I think it’s time I went for a check up.

I am truly hacked off with it now, it’s wearing me down, so exhausting, every movement is an effort. I don’t want to spend my life back on diazepam or something stronger like opiates. On top of this,  I’m trying to lose weight, yet with doing no exercise, it’s almost impossible as I can’t even walk the dogs at the moment.

I need to get out of this low dip in my life, I hate feeling so down. I think a nice spanking may help but Master or Daddy won’t give me one yet. So I’m stuck in this box of pain that won’t shrink away and I can honestly say I’m extremely pissed off with it.

Master and E are doing everything they can to help me, it’s easier now E is driving as he can go shopping to. But they must get tired of seeing ne fed up, having to help me get up, get dressed, even get showered. E must get upset seeing me struggle, I know they’ve lived with this for 18 years too, they’ve had to change their lives, and it is very tiring on Master. He has a long day at work, a very stressful job, when he comes home it’s often not to relax, it’s to sort me out first. But we live/cope with it better, Daddy and PiggyJ joining us helps us too. Now when Master has to go away, I’ve got them to call if I’m really struggling. But being one big family is keeping me positive most of the time. Life us just shit at times, like now.

Doing the housework.

Tidying up ready for Daddy and PiggyJ coming to stay.

Now after out trip out yesterday, I knew I would be sore today, but I had loads to do. As Daddy and PiggyJ had the week off, Master took 3 days off too. Then we found out that E was spending the week at his girlfriends house as her parents were going away. This meant the house was child free, so it was the perfect time to say let them come here for a change.

So Wednesday, Daddy is getting the next size up on his PA, I’m going with him but I will have to get the car washed first. It’s covered with pigeon poop. Darn pigeons. we are having lunch together and they were staying for dinner too. So they could stay as late as they wanted.

Unfortunately Master has Man-flu/cold, but it won’t stop him playing. Plus it would be nice if we could have a play altogether, something I know the boys are keen on, Me and PiggyJ may prefer a more private play together but I do really want a chance to just see what happens. Now whether that means Master and Daddy are both the Dom’s so will be in charge together, or whether it will still be Master in charge I don’t know. But I hope we can play.

On Thursday we are going to Daddy and PiggyJ’s for lunch, then we are off to Blackpool, go to the arcades, chip shop for dinner then drive through the lights. Dressed very very warmly coz the roof will be down. And the temps have certainly dropped. Then they are saying over at ours.

Though Daddy and I will end up sharing the airbed with the dogs but Daddy doesn’t mind. Friday after breakfast, we will drop Daddy and PiggyJ at theirs, hopefully a bit more fun there too. Also get a chance to see their 5 little 8 week old mischievous kittens, as one of their cats had some fun with the local tomcat. They are keeping one, and have let me name him. Ages ago, we were talking about us keeping one at their house but realised, it wouldn’t be fair for them paying all the vet costs for a cat that would be mine. So Master said No, we can’t do it. A few weeks later, Daddy said, “we are keeping one, but you can name him.” So I searched online, and came across Pawsky. A name meaning bratty, (though I can’t find where I got the name from now.) This kitten is a boy, he’s pesky, bit lazy, daft, and cheeky. Sound familiar ?

We need to get him a nice purple collar and some toys.

So as the family were coming over, I needed to tidy up, but I had to be careful because my back is really tender. I hoovered downstairs when my back seized up. I asked Master if he could do the food shop in the morning whilst I changed the bedding, I got a reply from Master, yes I will go but you need to stop now. Then I got a message from Daddy to say Stop, then one from PiggyJ, saying she will change the bedding when she comes round. But I’m not letting her do that, so I will do it whilst Master does the food shop. But if my back gets worse when I’m doing it, I will stop.

But Daddy and PiggyJ both said they were coming round to see us, not seeing if the house was spotless, they didn’t care what the house was like.

It’s hard for me to let it go, not do it, but I must do it, if I want to play I need to be careful. But it was also lovely of PiggyJ to offer to do the jobs for me, and I won’t be stubborn, if necessary I will stop and let her take over.

It just shows how much we mean to each other really.

Then Daddy got back onto the subject of punishments and my potty mouth, Saying “Just to clarify, in future you will be punished as an adult, so I need to give you something about your potty mouth yesterday. So you will get 50 with an implement of my choice, no sulking, no bratting, no moving, no messing, as soon as we arrive tomorrow.”

I will have to see how my back is to take this punishment as at the moment, I don’t think I can do OTK. but laying over the bed, pillows under my bum will probably be the best. I will have to see what iplement he chooses, as he is still knew to this. And he has to be aware of his strength, yes he said it will be a severe spanking, but he does need to be aware of not going full force, using all his power incase he causes an injury. But Daddy understands this, though I’m not going to be looking forward to this one. I will video and blog about it as usual.

The pain monster returns with a vengeance.

The pain monster returns with a vengeance.

So as expected my back got worse after our trip to Windermere, Daddy was very concerned I had pushed myself too far, walking up the steep hill. He felt it was his responsibility to look after me, plus Master was trusting Daddy to look after me, so he was worried about me plus worried if Master punishes him, for not looking after me.

But my back was jarring for a week before we went, not bad enough to cancel the trip out. Apparently when we stayed over on Saturday night, Master had told Daddy that if I said my back was hurting, he was not to get me squirting because I thrust to madly during it. This I didn’t know until one time when Daddy asked how my back was, I said it was hurting a little, then he said, right no more squirting for you young lady. I know I pouted at this information, life sucks at times. Or maybe I was being greedy as I had squirted at least 3 times already.

So after our trip my back began pounding, throbbing, very painful to walk, but on Tuesday I wanted to go into town. I needed a new plug for razors/toothbrush chargers. Daddy had been messaging me asking how I was, so I told him I wanted to go to town.

“What do you need ?”
“Is it really that urgent you go today?”
“Can you not live without it ?”
“Can you still brush your teeth even though it’s not charged?”
“You’re not going !!!!”

 

Typical me I was thinking I could go and just not tell him, just as I got a video call from him. Were we went through the same questions, was it life or death that you do not get a plug to charge your toothbrush. No I suppose not, I said a bit sulkily.

“Right, look at me Little Minxs, Look at me. Little minxs, look at me, you DO NOT go to town today, you go nowhere. I’m deadly serious, do NOT disobey me on this. Stay on the settee, write your blogs and do nothing else. Do you hear me ?” I heard a tone in his voice I’d never heard before, it left me feeling chills down my back plus a throb in my pussy, as the brat in me thought about disobeying, just to see what would happen. Thankfully sensible me decided today was not the best day to break his rule, and yes, he’s right. It’s not life or death that I get one there and then. It’s only a toothbrush after all, so i stayed home to rest.

Daddy messaged me through the day, making sure I’d taken my meds etc.

Wednesday started with the usual messages, I intended to visit my folks this morning, and as I had been up since 2am yet again, I wanted to go early. So I packed the dogs in the car with a few things I had for Dad and we left. Arriving at mums for 9am, mum and Dad were still in their pyjamas, surprised to see me so early. I told them if I come later I’d be too tired so my best time was now. We had a good catch up, it was nice to see Mum in good spirits, something I’ve noticed she’s often like first thing. I had some toast and coffee with them whilst the dogs played in the garden. I stayed for a couple of hours then headed home. The intention was to stop of in the village, to buy the plugs, but I couldn’t get a parking space. And I was feeling sorer, ( is that a real word ? Oh well, I’ve made it up, ) so I didn’t want to walk far, I decided to leave it. I will get the plugs eventually.

Thursday morning came with the morning messages, then the video call. How are you ? How are you really ? Right no going out today. He told me. I’ve my hair appointment at 4, but I will stay in all day until I have to go out. I told him, Is that okay ? Yes baby girl, but do not go out before. He told me. I won’t, promise Daddy. I said. And I didn’t go out. I even asked our son if he was going to the supermarket for his lunch, could he bring me a lunch meal deal. He grumbled, typical young man, but he did it, he knows I must be desperate to ask. So he dropped my lunch off, then headed back to work. I decided to take my lunch and go to bed, I could relax better in bed.

Getting settled in bed, both dogs were on the bed waiting to share my lunch, LOL. Once I had my lunch, I tucked myself under the covers, Little Minxs teddy under my arm, watching 24 again. Daddy had bought me a treat which he gave to me on Saturday, a massive container of pink and white chocolate mice. My favourite sweets, so I took out 2 of each colour and nibbled on those, then fell asleep for 2 hours.

My back is still very tender, Master and I should be going on a kit car trip on Sunday but I decided it would be best if I didn’t. Then Master told me I was not going and Daddy told me I was not allowed to go. If I didn’t really agree with them, I think I would be in a massive strop when both of them banned me from going.

So it’s continue resting for a few more days.

Sorry for abcense, bad patch with back.

Just wanted to write a quick blog to say I’m still here, just having a bad patch with my back.  Struggling to do anything and trying not to take stronger pain meds as they make me go loopy. I’m just trying to rest as much as I can until this flareup calms down again.

The 3 Day Quote Challenge. Day 2.

I have been nominated for the 3 day quote challenge by:

Nijntje & The Bear.

Thank you Nijntje,  for nominating me for this challenge. It’s certainly a hard one as there are so many quotes that I relate too. I’ve decided to do 3 quotes that really relate to my life. So here goes. ……..

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  • Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

Today’s quote:

chronic-illness-and-the-art-of-pacing

Having damaged my back 14 years ago, I have suffered with chronic pain ever since. And I have learnt how to pace myself when doing chores or shopping. But it was a very hard thing to do, when you used to get all the jobs done quickly, now I had to learn to go slowly. I went on a pain management course years ago and they focused on how to pace. Do one job, then make a coffee, so you have to sit down and wait for the coffee to cool down, before drinking it. And this simple change has helped me considerably and I still do it this way now. So seeing this quote signified a lot for me and I wanted to share it with you.

Chronic pain is an awful thing to live through, when I say I’ve really hurt my back today, sometimes people look at me as if what I really mean is my back hurts just a little. I’m okay really. There’s a big difference to each persons pain level, but living in pain 24/7 is exhausting, you can never forget it’s there. But over the years, I’ve learnt how to do things my way, if I’m on a bad day, I just don’t do anything, I don’t push myself. That way I can lead a “nearly” normal life.

Male Chastity Journal.

Masters Pleasing Bitch.

Rebel’s notes.