Why Do I Keep Going wrong ?

Why do I keep going wrong ?

After disappointing Daddy for missed tasks I’ve been trying really hard to get them done at the right time. I’ve added an alarm to my phone at 9am and 4pm, This is to check I’ve done everything, then sign it off on my tasks sheet. And I thought I was really getting into this routine.

So when Daddy phoned yesterday and said the first part of this conversation is not going to be pleasant. I thought, Oh God what’s happened, what have I done. Where is my morning selfie ? He asked.

This left me a bit dumbstruck. I was sure I sent it, I felt certain I had taken them.

The only difference yesterday was I had an idea for my erotic photos for Miss Adira, and my head was thinking only about this.

I took photos of my homework, then waited until my son had left for work, then I took myself upstairs. I had a shower, did my hair, put makeup on so I looked nice for the pictures. I’d bought new bras which I wanted to try on, 2 for everyday wear, 2 sexy ones for going out, meeting Daddy and Miss Adira. This was all I was focusing on.

Now for my 50th birthday present from Miss Adira, she is taking me away for the night, we are going out for afternoon tea then going to watch The LadyBoys of Bangkok.

I really wanted a sexy outfit, which is hard for me when I don’t feel a sexy woman. I bought a black tight skirt, had it shortened to over my knee, I found 2 pairs of over the knee boots in the sale, black and blue suede, and bought a black sheer top. Originally I wanted to wear a basque underneath, bought 2, I felt were too small, so bought the next size which was far too big. So, with Master;s help, I got the smaller basque on, but OMG I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t sit down, never mind going for a meal and sitting in a show for 2 hours. Master said I was just not the right shape for a basque. Be okay for a quick photo shoot, but after that, no.

Master suggested wearing just a bra underneath, it would look sexy plus you would see your tattoos. So I had to buy some sexy bras. The 2 I own are decidedly ugh, I hate underwired bras, the wire always digs into my sides, but the non-wired bras are pretty dull and boring. So I decided I had to suffer the wires, and purchase some pretty, sexy bras. I found 2 I liked so purchased them.

Then I tried the outfit on, taking photos of the new bras first, I put the outfit on and wow I actually felt good in it, I felt sexy. I think mainly because it didn;t show my figure, my big tummy mainly.

So I got carried away with my outfits and taking photos, once I had sorted them out and edited them I sent them to Master, Daddy and Miss Adira.

The response I got was amazing, they all said I looked real sexy, now I wouldn’t go that far, but I did feel a bit more confident in myself. I think Miss Adira will be proud to take me out looking like this. 

Next year we are also going to see a burlesque show with Miss Dita Von Teese Glamonareix

So I think I will be wearing this outfit then, if I really do feel sexy in it when we go to see The Ladyboys.

Miss Adira asked me why I liked 2 particular photos, it was a hard question to answer, so I just explained that just putting the boots on made me feel good, and I could honestly say I felt comfortable in it, Showing off my tattoos makes me feel confident for some reason. I just felt a self confidence I never really feel, the only time I feel like this is at the naturists park we go to. Then I’m not bothered, I think to myself this is the body I’ve got, so embrace it. And I do. When I’m home I do anything to hide my body, well the middle section mostly. Tummy and scar.

But all this is no excuse for missing my selfie. No matter that Daddy loved the photos, they weren’t the photos he was wanting. Or expecting. Or at the correct time.

The last thing he said to me last Saturday after my punishment spanking, was,  if you miss just one more, then you will get a no-nonsense, long punishment. He said things like having no TV at bedtime until he decides I’m allowed it, No Ipad, chromebook for a month unless I’m writing a blog then I have to give it back to Master, given daily tasks on top of my normal stuff for a month. He even mentioned me not being allowed to watch grown-up programmes, and just watching the kids channels, I hope to God this one doesn’t happen. But I’ve disappointed him again, and he said once more that he thinks I’m doing it on purpose. But I’m not, I think the only way to make him believe me is by making sure I get it done. Stop getting side tracked on other things. I need to focus, once the homework is done, sent them there and then, even if its 4 am, like today when I’d done it all. Take the selfies then and send everything. Fill out my task sheet, making sure I’ve ticked off each task. Then I can think about the rest of the day.

Anyway at first Daddy set me an origami to make, I did not think this was a sufficient punishment to make me stop forgetting, so I reminded him about what he had said at the end of the last punishment. “Oh ok if you want to go down that route, you will get a more serious punishment. So to start with, I want 1000 lines, in your best writing, in nice rainbow colours, I will not forget my Daddy’s tasks ever again. I want you sat on nuts and bolts whilst you are writing them. This becomes very painful after a few minutes. Tomorrow (which is now today) I want a video at 6 minutes past the hour, from 8.06am – 8.06pm, saying I am sorry I missed my task again, I will try harder. I’ve been told there will be more punishments to come.

Master and Daddy have both mentioned that maybe I’ve too many things on,  and I’ve too many tasks but I’ve not many daily tasks, once the homework is done, poses for Miss Adira, it’s only selfies to do, unless I’m given extra tasks for punishment or for their amusement. So going forward, I intend to send homework, selfies and poses as soon as I’ve done them, then I know they are done. I don’t want to hear Daddy say he’s disappointed again, I want him to say well done or thank you for my tasks, daily like he usually does, not a conversation where I’ve missed one. Or worse, missed them all. 

But he did say the photos were really sexy and it was hard to concentrate on his job after seeing them. That the boots were a big turn on, so all he thought about was making me squirt, giving me multiple orgasms and spanking my butt, just with me wearing those boots. Now even though I missed a task, I’m gonna be honest now, just hearing Daddy say that, the passion, desire in his voice, had made this mistake worth it. Even if I’m not enjoying writing these 1000 lines, sat on nuts and bolts and probably won’t enjoy anything else he sets to add to the punishment. Hopefully this will be the last time.

Last full day of holidays.

Last full day of holidays.

My day started at 5.30 am, bit of a lie in for me, Master was up by 8 am again. Breakfast clean up, then sun room, by 8.45 am. It was a warm morning already, I reckon it will be a hot one again. I read, wrote blogs, whilst Master talked about all the couples he had talked to on Fab Swingers site, the night before. And there seemed to be a lot, he said people don’t seem to come on until after 10 pm, then it all stops at 1 am. But I leave him to do the leg work, if there’s someone he likes and has the same kinks as us, he tells me to look them up.

By 9.15 am, we needed a swim to cool down, then I reminded Master that we had a race. Master had said yesterday that he could walk 2 laps of the pool, faster than I could swim.

“Oh yes, the loser gets a forfeit. Okay let’s go.” No warning, no ready steady go, he was off but to be fair he was half way down the pool by the time I started. I wasn’t going to win. And I didn’t.

Master thought for awhile, “Go and walk around the grounds, and take at least 20 selfies.”

Okay I can do that. I went back to the loft, getting my selfie stick, I headed back to try and get it connected. It wouldn’t connect so Master had to do it. Then off I went. Just snapping away. I didn’t count them, I just wandered around looking for inspiration for a photo. I think I was gone over an hour, I was pretty exhausted and my back was very sore, then it took over 3 hours to edit them for Master and to upload in my blog.

I ended up taking 75 selfies, and I’ve been told to upload them all.

The WiFi was pretty rubbish in the loft so I think I’ve uploaded them twice, as I thought each time they never worked, so if you see duplicated pictures, I apologise.

Thought I’d share some pics.

After 2 years of being on Spankingtube and getting lovely comments from other spankos,  I began to like my bottom. It was Masters way of showing me that other men would find me attractive, once we started our new life, he wanted me to love my body too. I know Master always has loved my bum, well all of me, but my lack of self confidence has always made me wonder why! Why would he love this short, fat woman with a big ugly backside ?

And eventually through this journey of posting selfies on the Tube, then once I understood how to work Fetlife, I began posting on there. Once Master set up this blog page for me, I was a bit more nervous about showing my pictures, not sure why, maybe I hadn’t realised there was such a big family of spanko, D/s dynamics, BDSM, erotic writing, lovers of BBW bloggers out here too. Too be fair I didn’t know much about bloggers/blogging before I began this.

So I took some more photographs and wanted to share them.

Hmmmm showing full front makes me cringe, but at least I’ve not got the confidence to show them.

Naked selfies in the garden, for a dare.

I was dared to venture in the garden naked, I wasnt going to do it, but a dare is a dare after all. Plus, I wanted to see how it will feel at the naturist park we are going to in 2 weeks.
And do you know what, I didnt care one bit about my size, I am a BBW afterall and finally I believe in it myself. I had to share it with you, as you have all helped me become the person I am now. And I just wanted to tell you and thank you. You’re the best. Xx