During health issues, it’s hard to continue with your D/s dynamic 100%.
A certain time in a woman’s life, it becomes incredibly hard for her to deal with it. And I think it’s during this period you need trust, understanding in your partner, that person that can really listen, try to understand how you feel and sense the difference when their partner is feeling low, snappy, crabby, weepy due to hormones or if she is just being narky, irritable or moody coz she’s just in a mood.
I promise you there is a big difference.
Why is there? The menopause.
You want to be understood, you need to be able to talk to your partner, explain how you’re feeling, know you have their trust, not just how you feel mentally but physically. I can assure you, in my case, I have the mental desire to be fudged until I cannot move. To be spanked until my ass is bleeding. Unfortunately, physically, I don’t want anyone near me. I’m sore inside and out.
In my polyamorous relationship, I not only have 3 partners, but I’m in a D/s relationship with all of them, I’m their submissive.
And when you have 3 Doms, who are genuinely usually very strict, this is the time they need to understand I am basically going through one of the worst changes a woman’s body can have.
Yes, I’m talking about my menopause and I understand if you don’t want to continue reading. Or I’m not making sense.
It seems I now can turn into this hysterical, inconsolable woman that cannot control my emotions, that can go from happy, laughing to a mood that is dangerously low, (no joke) when the Ogre appears, raging, to this blubbering wreck, crying over nothing. All in a matter of seconds. Day flushes which leave me that yucky I need a shower and change of clothes. I carry fans around with me all the time.
Nothing can prepare you for this change and even with HRT tablets, my hormones torment my body and I don’t feel in control of anything.
So if I can’t control it, how do my Doms understand it? how do they deal with it? how can they understand if I’m being deliberately naughty or is it my hormones raging? how will they deal with getting a backlash of abuse over nothing? when their normal *good* girl has suddenly turned into a raging lunatic, mouthing off, shouting back, refusing to speak, even sometimes cursing. Everything I know that is against our rules, that would normally bring on a severe punishment, well too be honest, in my right mind, I would never speak as I have done recently, to any of them. But I feel that outta control, God knows what may come out of my mouth.
Because I can promise you, if I struggle to deal with it, how the hell will they. And how do they know how to help?
My Doms can sense I’m not being a brat on purpose, (well not all the time) I’m not throwing a tantrum on purpose, (well not normally,) which will mean coping with the menopause is hopefully going to be more manageable. But in our normal dynamics, I know I would be set a punishment for my attitude, but now it’s harder. I know Daddy has wanted to set serious punishments, at first, but he soon realized this wasn’t me, it was Ogre me. But what misbehavior can be ignored, putting it down to Ogre ? or what can’t be blamed on Ogre, this was me being naughty?
One thing Daddy suggested was, if he phones, just tell him Ogre is visiting, if he hasn’t already sensed it. I had been ignoring his calls when I’ve felt raging because I didn’t want to rage at him and say stuff I’m not supposed to say, but I think this was upsetting him, as he said, “You are my wife No 2, whatever you are dealing with, I want to deal with it too. So even if you’re raging, answer your phone as I may be able to calm the rage down but if it erupts, that’s okay too. Both me and Miss Adira want to be there for you and help if we can. So please just answer the phone regardless of whether the Ogre is out or not.
This worried me at first because I really wanted to be sure Daddy understood what I was feeling. Miss Adira could understand it, though she’s not near the menopause stage yet, she did have awful premenstrual syndrome, so she’s able to have an idea what the moods could be like. I sent Daddy some links about it, and one I found from the man’s perspective.
He did get a display from the Ogre a few weeks ago when I tried to get him to understand, I burst into tears, Master told Daddy he would phone him back, as I balled like a baby for over an hour.
I think I shocked and upset Daddy to see this different me, but I felt outta control, my body wasn’t mine.
But then again, maybe it was good to show him, as long as he didn’t feel guilty and upset that ‘he’d made me cry’, because he didn’t, the Ogre did.
Now the virus seemed to be going, we’ve managed to have a couple of meets with Daddy and DiDi, no holding hands, (well the odd touching fingers) no kissing, fudging or spankings, just a really nice social meet up. But the virus could be on its second wave, which could bring on lockdowns again.
But when we do finally get to the stage when we can have fun again, I am worried I won’t be able to play much. As my happy spot is very tender inside and out.
Master and I tried out a little play the other day, the first time in a few months because I just wasn’t interested. One thing is essential, he continually asked if it was okay, talking is a must. Especially as I couldn’t take much play at all. Which was very disappointing, 2 fingers only just inside me before I began to feel uncomfortable. But throughout our play, I told him if it was too much or okay, and this was the same in my ass too. I’m looking into buying some lube that is recommended for women going through the menopause, I use vaginal moisturizer but that really doesn’t do a lot. But when just 2 fingers entered me, I felt like I was being ripped open. And unfortunately, this feeling stayed with me for a few days.
Master also treated me to a gentle spanking with Little Devil, now I know it’s hard for Master not to wallop me hard, coz that’s how we normally like it, but I asked him if he could be gentle with a paddle and he said, ‘Yes, I’m sure I can. Let’s give it a try.’
And it was lovely, more than lovely. It was very very very enjoyable, we actually giggled a lot during this spanking. As he jokingly barely hit my bottom, asking if that was hard enough? Going from the lightest paddle up to as hard as I could cope with. (Which wasn’t hard at all.) We did laugh about how my pain threshold had more or less disappeared, so when my menopause has passed, I’m hoping to build it up again.
But I have to explain that even spankings are hard for me to tolerate along with when he fudges me. Like most sexual partners, he gets very excited and then he gets rougher and harder, (which I normally really love) but now, I need him to be very gentle. So at some point I will sit down with Daddy and explain it all, try to get him to understand how I’m feeling physically. And with all 3 of them, the importance of talking throughout your play really is essential.
Over the past few months, I’ve felt like I was having period cramps, I now have to wait to get an appointment to the Women’s Hospital because apparently this isn’t normal. But they have been a bit painful with having severe cramps all the time, sometimes even walking was unbearable.
I think my Dom’s are really dealing with me as best they can. We did have a couple of months where a good chunk of the rules were put aside, but as I read up more about it, I realized the menopause wasn’t going away after a few months, this could take a few years. And I really wanted to get back into the submissive me again. I decided it was time to restart the rules, so I asked them and they agreed. So now it’s time for me to try to remember to follow them, time for them to set proper punishments. As we are not having any fun spanks or punishments due to the virus and social distancing, choosing different things have been in place over the last 7 months, so I’m hoping now we are restarting the rules properly, any misdemeanours I make, I will receive the appropriate punishments. They are thinking of things that will not bring Ogre out, but will still make me think about what I did wrong, and not do it again.
Two rules I completely forget, and I’m already in trouble for 1;
- Not sending Daddy my meals, after every meal, I’m supposed to tell him what I’ve eaten. This doesn’t include snacks as I’m supposed to ask before I have them. But, sssshhhhhh, don’t tell…….as I have been known to snack without asking at all. I had a punishment for this last week. And now I’ve forgotten again.
- Asking Miss Adira if I can go for a wee, unless I really am bursting and have to dash, then I just tell her I had to go. This started yesterday, hmmmm not doing well, as I’ve only asked once since yesterday morning.
But the second thing I’m in trouble for is, I forgot to monitor my TV programmes for Miss Adira. I’m only allowed to watch 5 hours of TV between 8 am – 8 pm, and I have to write everything down I watch. Completely forgot last week, I’m not going to blame it on Ogre, in a hope not to get a punishment for it, I just forgot. And I can’t really say it’s because the rules are new so I’m getting into them, as I’ve had most of these rules for 2 years.
The fact is, I’ve just not been focused on doing what I’m supposed to do.
When my Doms are kind enough to forgo some of my tasks over the past few months as I was having a very dark time, now they’ve restarted, I should at least make a decent effort to follow them again.
And between the 4 of us, we should still be able to maintain our D/s lives together, including Ogre, when she turns up because the menopause is not going anywhere. And by the time mine has finished, it may be time for DiDi to begin hers, it’s just one of these things we have to deal with.
For me, accepting the signs of early menopause was bad enough, like this was final, the opportunity for more children had been taken away from me. Even though, with my disability I know I could never carry another baby, it would put too much stress on my degenerative discs, it was hard for my head to accept. I did/do feel as though I’m not a real woman now !!!! This may sound stupid but it’s how I feel. And it’s very hard to accept. But I will, eventually.
In the meantime, my Doms will continue being loving and caring, helping me get through this, whilst also not letting me forget my tasks, rules and anything else. Setting me consequences that will mean I will remember all my tasks from now on.
So, watch this space, I will let you know what happens next.