Blogging A – Z Challenge = N
N = Naked and Naughty.
The idea of being naked was always a hard one, Yes I went from bedroom to bathroom naked when having a bath, never hiding myself when G or E were around. But oh no, the idea of others seeing me naked, no way, who wants to me naked. Entering into our D / s lifestyle, one rule Master insisted I did was take a naked selfie and post it on SpankingTube, he wanted me to learn to like, even love my body, like my curves, and even like my big ass. At first I hated doing it, but eventually I began to enjoy it and soon, I began to believe maybe I’m not that ugly, fat, small woman. I even began to sunbathe topless in our back garden. Then last year we had our first naturist holiday, I remember taking that first step outside of our lodge, it was terribly nerve-wracking, but I took that step without hesitation. And suddenly I felt free in my body, I no longer wanted to hide myself in the corner, this is the body I was given, so only I can accept it, love it and improve it, if that’s possible. No one else can do it for me. Even showing the ugly scar I have down my tummy, was hard to accept but my mother-in-law would say, every scar is part of your life so don’t be ashamed of them. And at the end of the day, the major operation I had changed my life, so in truth, maybe I should thank it, does that sound crazy ?
Being naked for Master did cause some stress for me whilst he trained me, I would sometimes have to sit in front of a mirror and really look at myself, placing a mirror between my legs I saw for the first time, what my pussy looked like. I’d never done that before. I hated bending over, ass out high, head low, revealing my most intimate areas but Master was very firm with this, if he wanted me like this for one minute or 30, I would do it and cringe inside. I really didn’t understand how he could find me / my body sexy. So the selfies continued as I tried different ways to make my body look good. Even taking my naked body outside in the garden and taking selfie after selfie. I started to look at the pictures differently, I saw a little sexiness, and I began to like them.
It was important for Master to feel my naked body in bed, knowing my body belonged to him, if hands wandered he didn’t want to fight with nightwear before connecting with skin. But feeling skin on skin is so important, whether in bed asleep as legs entwine with his, or during play, I should not be ashamed of my body. And I’m not now, but I am certainly a Naturist at heart, and can’t wait until we go again, then maybe book somewhere else, abroad maybe.
I’ve realised since doing this challenge that I have changed an awful lot since we began our D / s life, and all good changes, making me a better, more confident woman. I honestly hadn’t seen it until now.
I may be an owned slave to Master but I can very honestly say that I am not one of those slaves who are 100 % obedient, following the rules perfectly, I wasn’t a natural submissive so I’ve had to learn but there’s a tiny part of me that still wants to be me. But Master has trained me well, punishing me for my wrong doings, so every day rules, I normally follow properly. But you know, things like, I want more makeup, I ask Master if I’m allowed, if he says no, then that’s it. But a teeny part of me wants to say, you want me wearing makeup everyday, then let me buy it when I need it. Of course I don’t ( usually ) then buy any, but just like a child will try to get away with things, that’s me. I do like to call it mild rule breaking, only coz it sounds slightly better, maybe that’s my bratty side that feels that. But I’d never go to the shop and spend without asking. I know Master has only made it a rule because I have no sense of saving or generally watching the money in the bank, I just tended to spend, he’s tried for years to get me to stop. So I am very grateful that he controls this side of life, even if I moan, and I know I should follow this and all the rules fully. These days, it is usually only spending that gets me in trouble, that is usually including arguing because I want to buy something, like buying kindle books from Amazon. I have now stopped asking because I know the answer is no, but buying clothes from the catalogue, has been like buying Kindle books, because money it not actually changing hands, in my head I’m not spending or breaking the rules. But I’ve been told I can’t order anything without asking first. I do an order then ask my mother-in-law which she likes, usually keeping the ones I want, without asking Master’s opinion or if I could keep them. But I need clothes, right ? On my last order last week, I said to Master I wanted him to look at the clothes and help me choose. I did that because I realised something. I always want to look my best for Master, so letting him choose my clothes is another way of ensuring I will. He sometimes doesn’t like the clothes I pick out with my mother-in-law, she has a different taste to Master but who do I want to please, Master or my mother-in-law. Of course the answer is Master without a doubt. Out of the 12 dresses I ordered, I kept 5. But the next day when I was alone I realised that I should ask Master if I could keep these dresses, so when he was at work I asked him if I should have asked to keep them, he replied, yes. So even though I really really wanted all the dresses, I asked him if I could keep them, hoping he would say yes but ready to accept it, if his answer was no, anyway he replied, yes thank you for asking. This made me feel so so happy, not because I could keep the dresses but because I had pleased him by realising I should have asked first.
I think for me, I am learning slowly to be the submissive Master can be proud to own, though I hope he is proud of me now and soon I think I will be the best submissive I want to be. I can’t promise I won’t still want to buy makeup or clothes and throw a tantrum because Master has said no, but that’s part of my personality, and also Master then has the excuse of turning my fine curvaceous bottom crimson and bruised. 🙂