A new event, do we go or cancel. I must decide.

Last year I was sent a message about an event she thought Master and I would like to go to. It was held in a fetish/swinger venue, we would have a 6 hour drive to get there, so last week I finally booked a room in their hotel. What we liked about this event was the time, Sunday afternoon through to the evening. As you know  I’m no night owl. My bedtime is set for 9pm, and I like that.

Now somewhere between booking the event and booking the hotel, my mind had changed what the event was. We knew the dress code was very strict, dinner suits for the men, all Doms, then the subs, all female, completely naked.

Now after our first naturist holiday, the naked part I wasn’t concerned with.

But I had imagined we were having a dinner party event, after dinner the men smoking cigars chatting whilst their sub sits on the floor by his feet. Maybe a Dom may ask your Dom if he could feel you up or spank you, but always in front of your Dom. More like in the olden days I guess you could say. I’m not sure why my mind had decided this was the event.

After I booked the hotel, I looked at the event details and realised the event was held at this swingers/fetish club. Looking at the site, there were lots of play rooms, some private, some with peep holes, and separate rooms for swingers play.

There was no rule to say you had to play, everyone had to be respectful, so if a person said No, it meant No.

Last year Master and I ventured into trying out swinging. Both of us liked the idea of finding either a single female sub or a couple with swinging and fetish loves.

But we were hoping to go slow, meet this person/couple, get to know them, become friends and enjoy our fun whenever we felt like it. Master had mentioned more than once that he would love us to have another sub that would be part of our lives more than once or twice a month.

After searching to no avail, we just couldn’t find anyone. No disrespect to swingers, but the ones we met, well to put it bluntly, just wanted a fuck and that’s it.

I felt like we were just another notch on their bedpost. I think Master would have continued the search but he knew I was only doing it because he wanted to.

The first experience with a couple, well I couldn’t wait until it was over.

The second experience was nicer, as it was with one person, Master and I both enjoyed playing together, including this person.

But we found the entire conversations with all swingers we met, either for a meet up or for a play, just talked about the couple’s they’ve fucked or watched porn.

Like I said earlier, I’ve mean no disrespect to swingers, if that’s what you enjoy then that’s fantastic. But for me especially, no, I’ve only ever had sex with Master, I wasn’t a girl that wanted to sleep around when I was younger. I’m kinda old fashioned in a way.

So when I looked at the plan of the venue, seeing play rooms, I began to get nervous. The event isn’t for a couple of months so what will I be like when we went.

I messaged Master whilst he was at work, telling him how nervous I was already. So he said well cancel it. I’m not bothered, I said yes go coz you fancied it.

This was a surprise to me, I thought he wanted to go.

We chatted a little more then I had to go out, so we didn’t mention it again until he came home. Then he asked if I had made a decision. I said no, I don’t know what to do. I went to explain what I thought the event was, and he said I know exactly what you thought it was going to be and proceeded to tell me everything perfectly.

God he knows me so well. 🙂

You didn’t realise in was a swingers/fetish venue or that there were play rooms. Look we won’t go then, I was only going as you seemed so interested, anyway if will save me a 6 hour drive. He told me.

But I feel I’m letting you down by cancelling. I said.

For something you wanted to do, not me, no you’re not letting anyone down. He replied. I fell silent.

My head going round in circles, could we just go for the social side, we don’t have to play, but would that be a waste of money then, coming all this way and not using the full venue. Did I want to play with others, I don’t mind the idea of another Dom spanking me as long as Master was there watching. We had already drawn the line on what sexual acts we would do, but could I? And if I didn’t would Master be disappointed. I began to get upset.

I….i just don’t wanna let you down and be disappointed in me. I spluttered. I’m getting all upset now.

You are not letting me down if you cancel it. You’re not gonna disappoint me if we cancel. I’m happy to go or not go. If you’re gonna get more and more nervous, then you will be terribly nervous on the day, which would probably affect what you do anyway. But I want you to decide. And don’t get upset. He said so dearly, that I felt more upset, disappointed in me and letting myself down. But in the end I knew Master was right. So I decided that yes, we would cancel.

Since that conversation last night, my nerves have gone, I’ve cancelled the event, and will cancel the hotel later on when it opens.

I’ve decided that I’m not really a fan of venues like that, I’m not a social butterfly anyway, neither is Master, so it would be a big thing for both of us.

But I loved that Master agreed to go just coz I wanted to go, even if he knew what i imagined the event to be, I even loved the fact that he knew we would be having this conversation before the date and was surprised I actually booked the hotel and it took so long before I realised.

Master knows me inside and out, knows what I’m thinking before I’ve even thought about it, he even knows when I’ve broken the rules before I’ve finally owned up.

I think this is why we’ve stayed together 29 years, the addition of our dynamics changing 3 years ago has only strengthened us as a couple,

I feel so much better now I’ve cancelled, some may say I chickened out and I may have enjoyed it if we went, some may say I’m a weak person, afraid to really open up to swinging, and they are probably right. But that’s me, I am who I am and now I have no shame in it. I loved by a truly wonderful Master, we have a family we love and a life we love living, so that’s all that matters isn’t it.

7 thoughts on “A new event, do we go or cancel. I must decide.

  1. I think you made the right choice and I think your Master knows you well enough that he allowed you to come to this decision on your own 😊

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    1. Oh i know, but after Saturdays drsma, the last thing i wanted to do was disappoint him again, it was such a relief when he said well i only said yes coz u seemed keen. Not sure how i got so mixed up about it tho. Ive a friend who lives near, i met on fetlife, and he does dinner parties like the one i thort it was, subs naked, men in dinner suits then retire to living room for drinks, smoke and play. So i think i thought it was gonna be like that. I know i read all the info beforehand, im sure i looked up the place. But we did book the tickets in Sept time, so who knows. But this friend, not met him or anything, but did say next time he does a dinner party he will invite us. But we wud arrange to meet him first to make sure we are all ok together.
      I wud try swinging again if he insisted, but i dont think he wud.
      Like what u said in ur last blog, we were a couple first before starting this life. So we wud never want to jeopodise that. Xxx

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  2. I am really sorry you have cancelled, but completely understand (as you know, it was me that suggested it). The club is a swingers club. But the event Master and I will be attending on Sunday is not. Saturday, I think will be as normal and I don’t think we will be at that. The Sunday event is one where the women are naked and the men dressed smartly. People play in public and private but only with their own partner (s). There is food and drink and lots of socialising. As far as I know, there is no swinging and that is not my own personal scene.

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    1. MPB, I wish i had asked you before cancelling whether it included swingers or what it was about again, I’m sure you told me right when you first mentioned it. When I looked up the venue and saw it was a swingers and fetish club, that’s what I just presumed it would be.
      But it’s too late now, I’ve already cancelled and the tickets will be gone.
      I shudda asked the leader what it was about, explaining my concerns first. I told him a white lie saying we had a family event, thinking if he organised something else, we could go. ( please don’t tell him )
      I feel really pissed of now, coz that was what I wanted to go to.
      If you hear of anything else similar or this event for next year, please will you tell me.
      God I feel so annoyed with myself, why did I not ask about it first.
      Thank you for telling me again though, thus was my own bloody mistake I’m kicking myself about now. Xxxxxx

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      1. Don’t be silly. You have to go with your gut instinct! These events are only held twice a year, but there is always next time. I have been to the venue twice but not to the swingers events. Both times people were very friendly and it felt safe. Everyone was part of some kind of D/s couple or friends of couples. Look for the one in the autumn and maybe we can meet. Xx

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